Joseph—the back-story
Sometimes I picture life like a ripple on the water. After tossing a rock into a lake, its ripple can be farther reaching than expected. When we’re using the engine on our sailboat, the waves behind us can be surprising.
And then there are the big, loud speed boats. They can really churn up the water and toss us around. We’re at their mercy, especially depending on how close they are. They’re the big dogs, and they leave their mark.
Today’s post will give us the opportunity to reflect on The Ripple Effect—and the major waves—caused by sin.
The story of Joseph in the book of Genesis, one of my 12 favorite Bible stories, reveals much about us and about God.
The sin lists
The back-story of Joseph’s grandparents and parents—and the side-story of his siblings—paint vivid pictures of our fallen humanity. Joseph’s paternal grandparents were Isaac and Rebekah. His parents were Jacob and Rachel.
Consider these Sin Lists in Joseph’s family.
Before Joseph’s birth
Parental favoritism—Isaac and Rebekah, parents of twin sons
♦ Isaac loved Esau; Rebekah loved Jacob.
(Genesis 25:24-28)
*Manipulation and foolishness—twin brothers Jacob and Esau
♦ Jacob took advantage of Esau during a moment of weakness.
♦ Esau traded his birthright for a bowl of stew.
(Genesis 25:29-34)
*Lying, deception, stealing—Jacob
♦ Jacob tricked his elderly father and stole his older brother’s blessing.
(Genesis 27:1-40)
*Learn about the significance of the birthright and the blessing in this Got Questions article.
Hatred and plotting murder—Esau
♦ Self-explanatory.
♦ Jacob fled.
(Genesis 27:41-43)
Lying and deception—of Jacob by Laban, Rachel and Leah’s father
♦ Jacob worked seven years for the hand of his beloved Rachel in marriage.
♦ Laban tricked him and gave him Leah instead.
♦ A week later, he married Rachel in exchange for seven more years of labor.
(Genesis 29:18-30)
Envy—Rachel
♦ Leah was fertile; Rachel was barren.
(Genesis 30:1)
Plotting and competing—Rachel and Leah
♦ Rachel and Leah each gave their servant to Jacob to increase “their” children.
(Genesis 30:3-13)
Trading sex for drugs—Rachel and Leah
♦ Rachel asked for some of the *mandrakes found by Leah’s son Reuben.
♦ Leah basically said, “No. You’ve stolen my husband. Will you steal this too?”
♦ Rachel said, “Let’s make a deal. I’ll trade you the mandrakes for sex with Jacob.”
(Genesis 30:14-18)
*Mandrakes are narcotics, described as aphrodisiacs in this Got Questions article.
After Joseph’s birth
Deception, thievery and attempted bondage—Laban
♦ Jacob and Laban agreed about which sheep/goats belonged to Jacob.
♦ Then Laban took all Jacob’s rightful livestock and gave them to his sons.
♦ Laban put three days’ journey between himself and Jacob.
(Genesis 30:25-43)
Cheating—Laban
♦ Laban kept changing which sheep/goats belonged to Jacob.
(Genesis 31:4-9)
Greed—Laban
♦ Laban sold his daughters and stole from them thru his trickery of Jacob.
(Genesis 31:14-15)
Stealing—Rachel
♦ Rachel stole her father’s household gods.
(Genesis 31:19)
Trickery—Jacob
♦ Jacob took his family, flocks and belongings and fled without telling Laban.
(Genesis 31:20-21)
Deception and lying—Rachel
♦ Rachel hid her father’s household gods in her camel’s saddle.
♦ Rachel said she couldn’t get off the camel because she was menstruating.
(Genesis 31:34-35)
Plotting—Jacob
♦ Jacob sent messengers to his estranged brother Esau, hoping to placate him.
♦ Esau had 400 men with him.
♦ Fearing an attack, Jacob split his group into two camps.
(Genesis 32:3-8)
Bribery—of Esau by Jacob
♦ Jacob gave Esau abundant gifts from his flocks to assuage his anticipated anger.
♦ Esau asked Jacob why he tried to give him so much.
♦ Jacob referred to the bribe as a “present” and a “blessing.” Esau accepted.
(Genesis 32:13-21)
(Genesis 33:8-11)
Lying and deception—of Esau by Jacob
♦ Esau believed that they would be traveling to the same destination.
♦ Jacob lied, made excuses, and went somewhere else.
(Genesis 33:12-20)
Lust, rape and kidnapping—of Dinah, Joseph’s sister
♦ Shechem, who was royalty, saw and raped Dinah.
♦ He wanted her for his wife (and took her to his house).
(Genesis 34:1-4)
Deception—Joseph’s brothers
♦ Jacob’s sons entered into a trade agreement with Hamor and his son Shechem.
♦ Hamor and Shechem agreed to circumcision for all the males in the city.
♦ Every male in the city was circumcised, including babies and children.
(Genesis 34:13-24)
Mass murder—Simeon and Levi, Joseph’s brothers
♦ While the males in the city were sore, Simeon and Levi murdered them all.
♦ They took their sister Dinah home.
(Genesis 34:25-26)
Enslavement and plundering—Joseph’s brothers
♦ Joseph’s brothers captured all the women and female children in the city.
♦ They stole the belongings from every house, plus livestock and crops.
♦ Read Jacob’s response.
(Genesis 34:27-29)
Incest and atrocious disrespect—Reuben and Bilhah
♦ Reuben had sex with his father’s concubine—the mother of two of his brothers.
♦ (Given the times, Reuben probably forced himself on her.)
♦ Jacob—now called Israel—heard about it.
(Genesis 35:22)
After Jacob believed Joseph was dead
Lust and rape—Joseph’s brother Judah and Shua’s daughter
♦ Judah saw a woman in town, raped her and later made her his wife.
(Genesis 38:2-3)
(Genesis 38:12)
Wickedness—Er and Onan, Judah’s sons
♦ We don’t know the details regarding Er.
♦ His behavior was so bad that God took his life.
♦ Read about Onan in the link below.
(Genesis 38:6-10)
[Long-term, life-altering promise made—Judah to his daughter-in-law Tamar
♦ With Er and Onan dead, Judah promised his son Shelah to Tamar when he grew up.]
(Genesis 38:11)
Promise broken—Judah
♦ Tamar waited years for her promised husband, Shelah.
♦ Judah broke his promise.
(Genesis 38:24-26)
Deception, prostitution and incest—Tamar and Judah
♦ Tamar disguised herself.
♦ Judah had sex with her, thinking she was a prostitute.
♦ Tamar conceived and gave birth to twin boys.
(Genesis 38:12-18)
(Genesis 38:27-30)
But God…
Whether you’re flying high or experiencing great hardships, I think you’ll find these posts about Joseph to be extremely encouraging. Despite the vast Sin Lists above, including rape and mass murder, God’s faithfulness and mercy persist as the most important aspects of the back-story, the side-story and Joseph’s story.
The family
The people in this family—and every family—were sinful and certainly fallen, broken individuals. Were there some painful, serious consequences for their sin? Absolutely. After the trickery and thievery that Jacob inflicted on his brother Esau, Jacob found himself tricked mercilessly by his father-in-law Laban—costing Jacob an extra seven years of labor and so much more. Jacob’s firstborn son, Reuben, forfeited his father’s blessing by sleeping with Jacob’s concubine. Judah’s son Er, conceived by rape, was so wicked that the Lord took his life.
But God chose some of these sinful people anyway.
God blessed them anyway.
God protected them anyway.
God had a remarkable plan for their lives anyway.
The nation and the Savior
The 12 sons of Jacob, born by his two wives and his two concubines, became the patriarchs of the 12 tribes of Israel. The nation of Israel—the Jewish people—came from this family!
Did you notice how the Sin Lists began and ended? With twins. Isaac and Rebekah had twins Esau and Jacob. Tamar also had twin boys, Perez and Zerah. King David was a descendant of Perez. So was Jesus.
Sins of the father, mother and siblings
Many of the sins listed above resurfaced directly in Joseph’s life. He experienced The Ripple Effect.
Parental favoritism ♦ Foolishness ♦ Hatred
Jealousy ♦ Plotting murder ♦ Violence
Slavery ♦ Lying ♦ Deception ♦ Lust
But the evil things done to Joseph did not crush him. Joseph was forged into a remarkable leader who changed the world. His story will speak many truths to us about God’s presence and power during hardships. About God’s sovereignty. About God’s plan.
Why did the sins of Joseph’s grandparents, parents and siblings resurface in his life?
Rewind and repeat
From the last post in the Grieving series, The Big Why, part 8:
Generations
As a part of The Big Why questions and answers, I reflected on the generations in my family and how one generation impacted the next one. Abuse. Secrets. Trauma. Denial. Lies. Coping mechanisms. Roles and costumes….
You may remember this important thought from A Story of Grieving, part 5:
The denial and the lies led to life-altering, traumatic consequences
for at least three generations—my mom’s, ours and our children’s.
The reality and truth of this generational impact of sin can be found multiple times in the Bible, both in accounts of families through the generations and in specific verses.
The verse—from confusion to clarity
Let’s consider this verse.
The Lord is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.
Numbers 14:18, King James Version
When I was younger, I didn’t like verses like that. I thought it wasn’t fair for God to punish children for the things their parents did. I felt confused. Now I read this verse very differently. It is a statement of truth. It is simply reality. The sins of our parents vastly impact our lives. Until they don’t.
The ripple effect
What about me? Did I experience The Ripple Effect? Did my parents’ sins impact me? Were their core sins mirrored or relived in my life? Oh, yes. I see it more clearly now than ever.
This post from the Forgiving series covers my life story as I dug into two nightmares—one about my dad and one about my mom. In the nightmare about my dad, he violently killed me because of his pride. In the nightmare about my mom, she allowed me to die because of something she was carrying—her secret.
My dad’s pride
As a tried-and-true narcissist, the sin of pride gripped my dad every day. Oh-so-smart. Oh-so-accomplished. Oh-so-praiseworthy. Oh-so-much-better than everyone else. To dig into his behavior and his impact, start reading The Trauma of Perfection at part 2.
My mom’s secret
As I was writing today’s post, something struck me. I started to see my mom’s big secret differently.
One of the most important posts I ever wrote described how I discovered my mom’s secret. Not long before she died, when I finally asked her, my mom acknowledged that there was a family secret. Years before, when she filled out a book about her life story, she couldn’t (or wouldn’t) remember anything about her childhood bedroom. I strongly believe that she was sexually abused—I suspect by her brother. One of my cousins told me that one of the adults in the Baptist Student Union at college strongly warned my aunt not to marry my mom’s brother. But she did. And there were serious problems. Problems about sex. Extreme withholding on my uncle’s part. Pornography. And more.
I spent at least three hours one afternoon trying to find the right song for the post about my mom’s secret. I finally found it—“Frail” by Jars of Clay. The lyrics painfully describe my mom. Listen to the song and read the lyrics. They’re profound.
The secret sin
I never considered keeping a secret to be a sin, but I’ve realized something.
Since healing comes from confession,
a secret is one of the most destructive sins of all.
A secret contains the sin of hiding, the sin of fear and/or the sin of pride—all wrapped up in one. I’m not saying that we should make our own Sin List T-shirts and wear them to the grocery store so we can recount our biggest traumas or failings to the poor lady at the check-out. Discretion and secrets are totally different things. One is about wisdom and respect. The other is about hiding and denial. A secret—hiding dark, painful things deep inside—shrinks us in a terrible way.
Read the post about my mom’s secret and think about her extreme detachment from other people. Think about why she chose to marry a narcissist who would never seek to know her. Think about why she worshiped and slaved for Pam, The Almighty—the malignant narcissist my parents created together. Think about how the sin of keeping her secret impacted her life and the generations that followed. To dig into denial, start reading here.
The core sin
Strangely enough, my mom’s core sin was her enslavement to her secret. Silence. Detachment. Hiding. Lies. Fear. She spent her whole adult life voluntarily slaving for controlling, sick people who didn’t know her at all. Their disturbing self-absorption ensured that my mom’s secret would stay buried.
Confessing wisely
Obviously, we need to be careful and thoughtful about who we share deep things with. A great counselor. A trusted, wise, mature friend. A quality Christian mentor.
Recently, my friend Cynthia and I spent a day together—eating, shopping, listening to an outdoor concert, and going to a ministry’s anniversary gala. Late that night, as Cynthia drove me back to my car, she confessed a sin that had plagued her. And I confessed the same sin. It was a remarkable relief to finally say it out loud. The confession knitted our hearts together even more. Neither of us had planned to talk about it; but the Lord, in his grace and goodness, provided the perfect opportunity and the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The replay
Let’s dig a little more into The Ripple Effect. Did my parents’ core sins—pride and keeping a deep, dark secret—replay in my life? They sure did. How come? When you grow up in an environment that’s drowning in pervasive, non-stop sin, the flavor of the water soaks your clothes, your hair, your mind, your emotions, your words, your beliefs, your perception of reality. You’re breathing it, eating it, drinking it, living it, every day.
Until you aren’t. (See this post about adapting.)
Pride
Since pride builds a hard barrier to contrition and confession, it damages our relationships in ways we can’t recognize until we start to conquer it. How do we conquer pride? By replacing it with the corresponding virtue: humility. Read this post about pride and humility. It’s a gem, if I do say so myself. Oops. That was prideful. How about this sentiment instead. I hope it blesses you richly. Did you notice the difference between those two comments? The “gem” statement was about me. The “blessing” statement was about you. And that, Peaceful Readers, is the key.
Pride is about me.
Humility is about you.
I’m a kinder, gentler wife to my Brandon since I kicked my pride in the teeth. It still rears its ugly head at times, and I have to kick it again. The Lord is my helper.
Keeping a secret
What about the sin of keeping a secret? Mine was a biggie: abortion, the greatest evil. And I kept that secret for decades. Explore how God helped me come out of hiding in The Trauma of Abortion, part 1. (See Secrets, Abortion, Current Events and more in the index.)
The responsibility
Yes, our parents have a big impact on our lives. But as adults, we’re responsible for our thoughts, our behavior, our lives. Old patterns and sins die hard, but with the Lord’s help, we can conquer and replace them.
These questions beg an answer. Do we acknowledge our need to change? Do we admit that there’s a better way? Do we want to grow? Do we hunger for the truth? Do we believe that Jesus is The Great Physician? Do we seek to know God and be more like Jesus?
Your turn
Exploring and thinking about my parents’ core sins and how they played out in my life was very therapeutic for me. Now it’s your turn. Take out your journal or some paper and start reflecting on these things. But first, pray.
A prayer for revelation
Lord, show me what you have for me today. What is hidden that it’s time to reveal? What are you calling me to do next? Give me the courage to hunger for truth and to receive what you give me with humility and peace. Amen.
Father questions
What was your dad’s (or father figure’s) core sin? What were some of his secondary sins? How did those sins impact you while you were growing up? Did they replay in your adult life? If so, how? Where are you in The Healing Journey or your spiritual journey where those sins are concerned? What surprised you the most as you thought about these things?
Now ask and answer those same questions about your mom and your sibling(s). Take your time.
Mother questions
What was your mom’s (or mother figure’s) core sin? What were some of her secondary sins? How did those sins impact you while you were growing up? Did they replay in your adult life? If so, how? Where are you in The Healing Journey or your spiritual journey where those sins are concerned? What surprised you the most as you thought about these things?
Sibling questions
What was your sibling ___________’s core sin? What were some of his/her secondary sins? How did those sins impact you while you were growing up? Did they replay in your adult life? If so, how? Where are you in The Healing Journey or your spiritual journey where those sins are concerned? What surprised you the most as you thought about these things?
Repeat these questions and answers for each sibling and also for others who were extremely formative in your life.
When you’re finished, take some slow, deep breaths and thank God for that exercise.
Grieving
Is something unresolved in your life? Do you need to grieve some things? Do you need to lay down some losses, traumas, relationships? If so, read the posts below. The first four listings are from the Grieving series; the final one is from the current series—Christian Living.
♦ Why?
♦ Time for Grieving (six parts)
♦ The Trauma of Perfection (six parts)
♦ The Trauma of Disengagement (six parts)
♦ A Year in the Life, part 2
Explore Grieving in the index and other posts as the Holy Spirit leads you.
Gratitude for my Peaceful Readers
Thank you for joining me today for Joseph’s back-story, The Ripple Effect and those challenging questions. I pray that your answers were revealing and helpful. May the Lord bless you and keep you….
Coming next: We’ll start digging into Joseph’s life. I’m excited about what God has in store. I’m thinking back to the posts about Esther and how they exploded with her story and linked to current events.
Until next time, thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: Psalm 33:11
Song: What a great song for this intro to the life of Joseph: “Yet Not I, But Through Christ in Me” by CityAlight.
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