Welcome to the 40th and final post in this series on sociopaths. I couldn’t have scripted a better pair of texts to end this series on if I’d tried. The two texts we’ll look at today were written by you-know-who… Her Majesty, the Sadistic Control Freak after a dramatic episode of “Sociopath Surprises Stunned Smythes at Soccer.” The whole thing reminds me of this childhood saying: “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”
To get things started on the right page today, Peaceful Readers, I need to do a little rewind and repeat (i.e., quote some content from a previous post).
When you make yourself unavailable to your Friendly Neighborhood Sociopath, as we’ve done, your sociopath will begin a new game or hunt. My mother-in-law, Delia, is after our son Logan now. Historically, she’d left him alone and played this well-practiced tune for him: “Granny Has All the Time in the World to Buy Worthless Junk for You But Is Too Busy to Come to Your Birthday Party or Grandparents Day at Your School.” Why? Because the narcissistic sociopath can’t be the center of attention at those events. Besides, nobody there is in her social circle that she needs to impress with her Persistently-Practiced and Perfected Public Persona. Why would a sociopath bother spending time trying to impress those people: (1) her well-chosen victims or (2) no-namers that she’ll never see again.
Her new tune
Now that we’re staying away from Sociopathville, Delia’s playing a new tune: “I’m Showing Up (Uninvited) to My Grandson’s Sporting Events Because I’m All About Doing the Opposite of What My Victims Want Me To Do.” (And, unfortunately, she knows how to look up his sporting event calendar on his school’s website. Most inconvenient for us.)
Here’s the chorus…. “You want time with me? No. You can’t have it. You don’t want time with me? Here I am!”
Life in Oppositeville
I’ve realized that another good name for Sociopathville is Oppositeville. Here’s how Delia would describe Life in Oppositeville. “You want me to spend time with my grandson? Sorry. I’m busy. When you come to our house to visit, I’m busy painting or shopping. When we go camping together, I bring my canvas and painting supplies, because I’m too busy for you. When you stop spending time with me, I’ll start calling you, texting you, showing up uninvited, etc. Why? Because I live in Oppositeville, you ding-a-ling! Besides, you aren’t allowed to leave Sociopathville (i.e., Oppositeville) unless I say so.”
A couple months ago, Andrew and Delia—my sociopathic in-laws—showed up unexpectedly at Logan’s soccer game. Was there drama involved? You betcha.
“Just” times two
Delia sent two texts to Brandon afterwards. When you’re dealing with sociopaths or people with other personality disorders, beware of the word just.
Here are the last two sentences of Text #2: “…Just as information, I did not try to talk to Frankie Ann. I just asked L whether he got the package.”
Ignoring the sociopath
Gosh, where do I begin on that one. Let’s see…. At the end of the soccer game, as I walked past the bleachers where Delia and Andrew sat, Delia called out to me—loudly and with enthusiastically-dramatic flair: “Hi, Frankie Ann!” I totally ignored her and continued looking straight ahead and walking toward the parking lot with another soccer mom. I guess, when you live in Sociopathville—I mean Oppositeville—Delia’s loud, cheerleader-like greeting doesn’t constitute an attempt to talk.
That reminds me of one of my favorite sayings about my sociopathic mother-in-law, Delia: If she’s talkin’, she’s lyin’. That goes for texts, letters and emails too.
Christmas in January
“The package” in question was the Christmas present they mailed to our son Logan three weeks after Christmas. Uhhh, Christmas is in December, you wack-a-doos; I mean abusive sociopaths.
The chase and the show
I must take exception to the words I just in the last sentence (“I just asked L whether he got the package”). What the sociopath forgot to mention in her little text was how she chased after Logan in the parking lot as he and I were walking very briskly to the vehicle to get away from her, and her repeated questions about her Christmas present—whether he received it; whether he liked it; whether he still uses that kind of thing; blah, blah, blah. Translation: “Tell me how great I am and how much you liked my present; it’s Adore The Sociopath Time.” After skedaddling to the vehicle, we immediately closed our doors to escape from her.
Who would literally chase someone down to do such a thing? Please say it with me, Peaceful Readers… Her Majesty, the Sadistic Control Freak. What a dramatic episode of “The Smarmy Sociopath Show” in front of God, Brandon, me, Logan, the soccer team and the rest of her audience for the day. Sociopath Extraordinaire.
Then her performance continued as she played one of her favorite tunes—“Please Feel Sorry for The Sociopath”—when she bemoaned to Brandon, “I just don’t know how to fix this!” Brandon’s reply? “How about not doing what you’re doing right now.” Gosh. And I thought soccer games were supposed to be about soccer.
The lying scale and well-deserved awards
Let’s get back to the text. It’s time to give my mother-in-law her well-earned tiara, sash and two—not one—dozen roses for scoring two out of two on The Lying Scale for that little text excerpt to Victim #1; I mean her one-and-only-son, Brandon.
Sentence #1 gets the Bald-faced Lie Award (“…I did not try to talk to Frankie Ann”). And sentence #2 gets the Lying By Omitting Most of the Facts Award, using this popular sociopathic intro: I just (from “I just asked L whether he got the package”).
Say it with me, Peaceful Readers: If she’s talkin’, she’s lyin’.
Before we back up and dive into Text #1, let’s review some concepts from The Apology, part 2:
Sociopaths and persons with other personality disorders project a persona to the world. They watch how other people live and interact, and the sociopaths mimic certain phrases, mannerisms and characteristics that will serve them well in a particular situation. They study their victims and use the words and techniques that will work best, as they craft their Role of Control in their victims’ lives. In the last post, I quoted information from Lisa Wolcott’s blog about sociopaths crying crocodile tears, evoking pity and being great actors.
Don’t be misled by the drama or by seemingly sincere words. Always remember who you’re dealing with—a sick, dangerous sociopath. Don’t be swayed by the smiles, the gifts, the compliments, the attention, the drama, the crying, the yelling, the attacks, the power/influence of the gang, the threats, the name-calling… or the apology. Don’t be swayed.
Text #1 contains some stellar examples of copy-cat statements. What’s that? Let’s focus on these two sentences from The Persona above: They watch how other people live and interact, and the sociopaths mimic certain phrases, mannerisms and characteristics that will serve them well in a particular situation. They study their victims and use the words and techniques that will work best, as they craft their Role of Control in their victims’ lives.
A copy-cat statement is a phrase, concept or sentence the sociopath has heard someone else say—maybe in real life or maybe on television, etc. The sociopath doesn’t mean the copy-cat statement at all. So, in that way, all copy-cat statements are lies. The sociopath says the copy-cat statement to manipulate the victim(s) and to sound like a normal, caring person—despite all the evidence to the contrary.
This text oozes poison in the guise of ice cream. Be careful, Peaceful Readers. Be very, very careful. Who are we dealing with and what do we know about her?
Remember Uncle Henry’s brief apology? It sounded really good, but it wasn’t true. It was a non-apology, written because his sister Delia—my sociopathic mother-in-law—demanded it. In a similar way, Text #1 to Brandon from Delia also sounds good—all 10 sentences. What it sounds like isn’t the issue. The truth is the issue. So let’s dig for the truth—who is she, what is the truth, and why did she write it.
I won’t bore you with an in-depth review of this long text. Yowza. Instead, I numbered the sentences, kept a Lie Count and a Copy-cat Count along the way, and added some comments. Remember this: When you’re dealing with sociopaths or people with other personality disorders, beware of the word just.
“(1)…Just for clarification, when I tell you about [your friend’s] weight or your dad’s health, I am just keeping you in the loop*—NOT inferring that the information applies to you.**
*Bald-faced lie #1 from the Gossip Extraordinaire, including the word just used twice to give us a strong warning.
**Bald-faced lie #2, based on obsessive comments in the past.
(2) You actually look great* and your health, weight, and other personal info are none of my business.**
*Bald-faced lie #3, based on obsessive comments in the past.
**Copy-cat statement #1 (i.e., mimicking the way normal people talk and think) and bald-faced lie #4, based on obsessive comments in the past from the control freak who owns her victims.
(3) I love you* and ask about your work because we are proud** of the strong, intelligent man you are.***
*Copy-cat statement #2, bald-faced lie #5 and Big Lie #1 from Sneak Attack Impact, part 2.
**Copy-cat statement #3 and bald-faced lie #6: Sociopaths pretend to be interested as a manipulative tactic (see this post).
***Copy-cat statement #4 and bald-faced lie #7: My in-laws consistently treat Brandon like a 10-year-old, demanding his compliance and loyalty. They’ve never viewed him as a man. Obviously, a strong/intelligent victim is a very bad thing for a sociopath.
(4) L is blessed to have your example and support.*
*Copy-cat statement #5: While this statement is true, the sociopath can’t make this assessment due to her detachment and absence from our lives.
(5) You are right that I should read situations better.*
*Copy-cat statement #6 and bald-faced lie #8: Sociopaths are always right, and only say things like this to get out of hot water and to maintain access to their victims.
(6) I need to keep my mouth shut.*
*Copy-cat statement #7 and bald-faced lie #9: Her Majesty has written this before and has no intention of changing her ways.
(7) I did want to ask L about his box of art supplies but l could have asked you whether he received it and if he was still interested.*
*Oh-so-true, wack-a-doo. But, as we all know, sociopaths are impulsive and do what they want because it’s all about them.
(8) Your primary focus is and should be your work and family.*
*Copy-cat statement #8 and bald-faced lie #10, based on her life-long “What about me?” demands.
(9) We don’t know what that involves [Brandon’s work] since our lives are a generation removed, but your welfare always is a concern for us.*
*Copy-cat statement #9 and bald-faced lie #11: Brandon’s best interest never was and never will be thought about or acted on by his sociopathic parents. That is the sad truth of Sociopaths 101. See Lisa Wolcott’s blog for more details.
(10) I pray for wisdom.* —mom”
*Copy-cat statement #10 and bald-faced lie #12: Sociopaths aren’t the least bit interested in wisdom—only control.
So, what did we learn from that long text? My mother-in-law was pouring it on thick—with chocolate sauce, nuts, cherries and whipped cream on top of her poisoned scoops of ice cream. Remember, we can’t look at the words and how they sound. We have to determine the truth.
Who is she? A card-carrying sociopath (and narcissist) who’s married to a sociopath. Yikes.
What is the truth? The opposite of everything she wrote (except for sentence #7).
Why did she write it? To schmooze her way back into our lives so she can abuse and control us.
No can do, wack-a-doo; I mean Liar Extraordinaire. That expression—wack-a-doo—cracks me up. I learned it from a lady named Rebecca last month. Ha!
That mother-in-law of mine is a piece of work. Let’s say this one more time, Peaceful Readers: If she’s talkin’, she’s lyin’.
How about a sociopathic acrostic called Persistent Propaganda. Think of it as My Mother-in-law’s Manifesto.
People are possessions.
Everyone comes to my parties.
Respond to my demands, or else.
Sneak attacks are the best.
I never said that.
So many complaints, so little time….
Theatrics show my sincerity.
Everything is about me.
No one will believe you.
Try to escape and I’ll hunt you down.
People adore and worship me.
Remember who you’re dealing with.
Our family is the best.
Please feel sorry for the sociopath.
Allies will fight your insubordination.
Get in line or get stomped on.
Accomplices hate you.
No one can leave.
Don’t forget how much I love you.
And, last but not least, you’re sick/I’m well.
Doesn’t that sound like her? Shazam.
Even though my mother-in-law didn’t do any gaslighting in her texts—“Surprise, surprise, surprise!”—we need to review gaslighting before wrapping up this series.
When you complain to your sociopaths and they aren’t in Damage Control Mode (which requires that they schmooze/compliment you), they’ll usually turn on their Gaslighting Machine.
Sociopaths use gaslighting to make their victims question their perception of reality. In other words, they do it to make you think you’re crazy and to get themselves out of hot water.
“I never said that.”
“You never said that.”
“I didn’t hear that.”
“I didn’t see that.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“You didn’t do that.”
“You’re making that up.”
Etcetera, ad nauseam…………
Personally, I’m done with the sociopaths. I’m not making myself available for any contact with them. I left The War Zone and I like my Safe Zone much better. I might make an exception for an occasional funeral. We’ll see….
Remember these three mantras or truisms and live them whenever you encounter a sociopath or a person with another personality disorder.
Thank you, Peaceful Readers
Thank you for taking the time to read Choosing Peace. I hope you’ve been blessed. Please share Choosing Peace with the people who are good to you.
I’d love to hear from you! Please add your thoughts at the end of any post or email me at email@example.com.
Coming later this summer: The next series on Choosing Peace will be about grieving.
Healing through truth and music
Peaceful Readers, I’ve found great healing in my life through the beauty and truth of God’s word and through music. I hope the truths and songs that I share at the end of each post will bless you too.
Truth from The Word: John 10:1-18
Song for Healing: Enjoy this wonderful song, sung from God’s perspective—“Remember Me” by Mark Schultz.