Us vs. them—the beginning
Last time on Choosing Peace, we looked at Denial and then Justifications and Excuses—the first two of The Four Flavors of Denial.
The violence indicator
Today we’ll begin looking at Flavor #3: Us vs. Them—sometimes referred to as The In Group vs. The Out Group. In my reading and personal experience, I’ve found this particular flavor of denial to be the highest indicator for violence. In other words, if people are thinking in Us vs. Them terms, there’s a higher likelihood of violence—emotional, physical or sexual.
Emotional violence includes (1) control, (2) gossip, (3) lies, (4) drama, (5) gaslighting, (6) verbal attacks, (7) ignoring (you or your boundaries), (8) sabotaging, (9) showboating—I mean monologuing, (10) troublemaking, (11) name-calling, (12) threatening, (13) inappropriate requests/demands, (14) false accusations, (15) badgering, (16) exclusion, (17) rudeness, (18) team-building—better known as “collecting,” (19) payback, (20) hostility and (21) gameplaying (which includes loan sharking).
You might want to grab some chocolate before we get started.
Review and questions
Let’s review this important piece of the pie from part 1.
The connection
What makes denial a barrier to forgiving? When I don’t acknowledge a trauma or loss, I don’t take healing steps—unpacking what happened, doing the work of grieving, or—oftentimes—forgiving.
♦ No problem? No awareness.
♦ No problem? No response.
♦ No problem? No healing.
What about chronic sin—wrong thinking and living? What about my denial about my own sin? What about people who love their sin—people like my sociopathic in-laws? What about people who feel trapped by their sin? What about people who have willfully chosen satanic practices—the occult? Evil? Death? Destruction?
How does sin relate to trauma and loss?
Lord-willing, we’ll end the next post with some answers.
Flavors of Denial
See part 1 for Denial, nicknamed The Granddaddy, and Justifications and Excuses, nicknamed The Salesman.
The third flavor
Name: Us vs. Them
Flavor #3: Pistachio Almond
Nickname: The Cheerleader
Core message: “Because we’re right and they’re wrong, we’re doing the right thing.”
The flavor and the cheerleader
Why the ice cream flavor Pistachio Almond? Because it’s pretty and sweet. That minty green looks so refreshing.
Why the nickname The Cheerleader? Cheerleaders are a standard at football games. They help us cheer for our team—united as one. Players, cheerleaders and fans wear their team colors. Everyone’s pumped up. And everyone plays a role.
Team spirit is good. Until it isn’t.
Good vs. bad
We want to win. We want to beat the other team. Big-time. Sometimes, we vilify the other team. “We’re good. They’re bad.” We want to crush them—literally. When one of their key players is injured and removed from the game, people are glad. Some fans yell about how the player got what he deserved.
Brawls
Interactions on the field and in the stands can become quite heated. This narrated, one-minute video gives us a good example—with dads “slugging it out” on the grass at a girls’ softball game. Obviously, at larger venues, some fans drink heavily before the game even begins, and violent brawls erupt—resulting in serious injuries and death.
Alcohol
“Tailgating” is the devil’s lingo for getting “loosened-up” or “sauced” before the game. People like to package tailgating as a gourmet cookout, but let’s get serious. There’s a lot of liquor involved, generally-speaking.
When you combine alcohol with Us vs. Them,
you get a dangerous brew. Very dangerous.
Teams and denial
Before we dig into the details, let’s think about the role of Us vs. Them in denial. When I think of my team as Team Good and your team as Team Evil, I’m justified—in my own mind—in doing whatever I choose. Because you’re on Team Evil, you’re no longer a person. You’re a thing. You’re a target. You’re a military-like mission. You’re a calling—my calling—to punish, control, abuse, own, torture and/or exterminate. “You’re mine.” And not in a good way.
Remember: The presence of Us vs. Them thinking gives a high likelihood for violence.
When I truly believe I’m on Team Good, I’m in denial about my own wrong thinking and wrong actions. My errors—my failure to protect, my silence, my refusal to really think about what’s going on here. And my own evil—my complicity, my cruelty, my crimes.
Us vs. them—slavery
Similar to the football scenes above, Us vs. Them scenarios involve players, cheerleaders and fans. Honestly, I found so many examples of Us vs. Them that I had a hard time narrowing them down to the top picks. We’ll take a look at Us vs. Them in four areas: Slavery, war, abortion and sick families.
Today and next time, we’ll dive into one of the most disturbing examples of Us vs. Them—our country’s most infamous slavery era. So many players—with cheerleaders and fans. Propaganda. Group reinforcement. Laws. And let’s not forget the money that was made. Wagonloads of money.
Slavery in the South
When it comes to 1800s slavery in the U.S., we like to think of Us vs. Them as owners vs. slaves; but the truth was much more complicated. Did all slave owners view their slaves as adversaries? No. Definitely not. Some of the owners I read about in When I Was a Slave were dearly loved by their slaves. Stop the press. (See the section called Testimonies in part 1 for more about When I Was a Slave, edited by Norman R. Yetman. Highly recommended.)
Benevolence
While I realize that the concept of benevolence and owning someone is a serious dichotomy, let’s roll forward anyway. Last time on Choosing Peace, I described slavery as evil and that remains a fact. With that in mind, plus what we know of human nature, I think these tales of kindness and love will surprise you—in the best way.
Anthony and the camp meetings
Anthony Dawson* described his master as “a fine Christian” who encouraged their spiritual growth—through preachers, prayers and going 10 to 15 miles away for a “camp meeting” (i.e., revival) for several days at a time. Anthony described his master’s wife—the mistress—as the “best woman” in the world. After the Civil War was over, Anthony stayed on the plantation “a long time.”
*Interview with Anthony Dawson, When I Was a Slave.
Millie and the games
Millie Evans* said they had the best master and mistress “in de world.” At 3:00 each afternoon, their mistress called all the little children to the big house and they’d lie down on pallets while their mistress sang to them so they’d fall asleep for their naps. Millie talked about the games they played as children and all the good food they ate. Their master had all the slaves to the house every Sunday morning. He’d sing, pray and read the Bible—teaching them great biblical truths; and they all went to church together. “Everybody cried” when emancipation was announced because they didn’t want to part ways. They all moved to Arkansas. “Old Master” died on the way, and everyone else stayed with “Old Mistress” until she died.
*Interview with Millie Evans, When I Was a Slave.
Mary and the home
After emancipation, many slaves left. Some owners went looking for them and invited them to come “back home.” And some of them, like Mary Anderson*, did just that. They came back home.
*Interview with Mary Anderson, When I Was a Slave.
The players
To say that there were many different players in The Slavery Scene in the South would be quite the understatement. Speculators, slave traders, slave owners, slaves, overseers, patrollers—also called patterollers or pattyrollers, underground railroaders, Yankees, bushwhackers, the KKK, preachers, abolitionists and more. Some plantations were massive, with their own jails and guards.
Was the Us vs. Them reality always racial? No. Southern abolitionists and their slave-owning counterparts were definitely part of Us vs. Them. So were Yankee and Rebel soldiers. (I tend to use the word Yankee instead of Union in keeping with the wording generally found in When I Was a Slave.)
Speculators
If you want a sports analogy, think of the speculators as the football scouts of slavery. The speculators were the pickers and the movers. (Slave traders also moved slaves in groups from Point A to Point B—spreading them throughout the South.) Speculators went around from plantation to plantation, choosing and buying the slaves they wanted. They knew what other slave owners were short on, and they were there to fill the orders. Also, they bought slaves to take to the general slave market. When a speculator was walking around a plantation, the slaves were terrified. Who was leaving? Would their family be separated?
Overseers, patrollers and owners
Slave drivers, usually called overseers, were often The Kings of Cruelty—meting out violent whippings and beatings; although sometimes the owners did. The patrollers, also called the patterollers or pattyrollers, were slave watchers, hunters and enforcers for a particular region. Overseers and patrollers hunted runaway slaves, often using bloodhounds to track and attack them. I think of both groups as the “associates” or hit men for the mob bosses—the harsh owners.
Former slave Mingo White* described many of these different players when he was interviewed in the 1930s.
The overseers
The overseers viciously beat one of the slaves named Ned because he was “caught prayin’.” They tied his arms and legs to pegs in the ground and whipped him ‘til blood was running off him. The overseers made all the field hands come and see what happens when you get caught praying for freedom. Ned ran away and joined the Union Army.
Us vs. Them.
The slaves were only allowed to go to the owners’ church. The overseers went with them and the slaves weren’t allowed to speak a word from the time they departed from their cabins until they returned. There was “no pleasure” in it. They weren’t allowed to have their own church or to pray for their freedom. But they prayed anyway—at great risk.
Us vs. Them.
The patrollers
If slaves were caught out past 8 at night without a pass from their owners, the patrollers would “run de folks.” Sometimes when the patrollers became violent with slaves, a big fight would erupt. Some patrollers were killed.
Us vs. Them.
The owner—master
Mingo’s mom had a ridiculously heavy workload: Maid for the master’s daughter, cook for all the field hands, spinning and carding four cuts of thread per day (144 threads per cut), spinning and dying cloth, and washing the clothes. When she didn’t get all her work done, which happened often, the master—her owner—gave her 50 lashes. Fifty!
Us vs. Them.
When the Yankees were coming, the “white folks” hung all their clothes in the slave quarters and told them to lie and say the clothes were theirs. The slaves were also told to lie to the Yankee soldiers, telling them how well they were treated and how much they liked living there. When the slaves on this plantation were told they were free, they left.
Us vs. Them.
*Interview with Mingo White, When I Was a Slave.
Killing and running
Fannie Moore* lived on a massive plantation in South Carolina. While the slaves were enjoying a dance in one of the slave quarters, the patrollers pushed open the door and started grabbing people. “Uncle Joe’s son” decided he’d had enough and he started to fight back. The patrollers whipped him with a cowhide again and again; and one of them grabbed a stick, struck him in the head and split his head open—killing him. Then the patrollers beat maybe six other slaves and sent them home, leaving Fannie and family with the dead boy’s body.
Us vs. Them.
One of *Harriett Robinson’s relatives, Uncle Isom, was a runner. While he was in jail, he killed one of the white guards. One day when the bloodhounds were chasing Uncle Isom, the patrollers or overseers made the dogs eat his ear. He still got away. Uncle Isom eventually returned to “the Big House” and was given breakfast. After he ate, they gave him 300 lashes before he ran off again.
Us vs. Them.
In Missouri after the war, Bill Simms* was hired to work for his former master, who gave 40 acres and a cabin to Bill’s mom and sold 40 acres to Bill. Since the master and his wife had no children, a nephew was their heir. After the master’s wife died, the nephew’s family killed the master to keep him from giving all the land to his former slaves. Bill and his mom knew the nephew’s family would kill them too, so they ran to a nearby county and settled there.
Us vs. Them.
Patrollers vs. slaves. Jail guards vs. slaves. Bloodhounds vs. slaves.
Relatives vs. former slave owners and slaves.
*Interviews with Fannie Moore, Harriett Robinson and Bill Simms, When I Was a Slave.
Yankees and bushwhackers
Some slaves ran away to work for the Union Army or to fight with them.
Andrew Moss* shared an interesting, but not surprising, scenario. Yankee soldiers tied slaves with a rope and had them walk behind the soldier’s horse to “rescue” them from slavery. I mean to lead them like cattle to their new job—working for the Union Army.
Us vs. Them.
After the soldiers came through, the bushwhackers swept in, stealing every black person they could find, and selling them. Gus Smith* described how his family hid from the bushwhackers.
Us vs. Them.
*Interviews with Andrew Moss and Gus Smith, When I Was a Slave.
Women and violence
We tend to think men were responsible for all the violence during 1800s slavery. Think again.
Mary Armstrong* and her mother belonged to the Clevelands. One day, Mary’s nine-month-old baby sister was crying. “Old Polly Cleveland” took the baby’s diaper off and whipped her until blood ran out of her—killing the baby.
Every morning, Miss Julia whipped slave Harriett Robinson*. During the Civil War, the beatings were “so terrible.” Miss Julia would also take Harriett by her ears and slam her head “against the wall.”
“Marse Jim’s mammy”—the master’s mother—whipped Fannie Moore*, often with a cowhide, until she was “black and blue.”
While Delia Garlic* was playing with her master’s grandchild, the baby hit its hand and started to cry. The child’s mother grabbed a hot iron and ran it down Delia’s arm and hand, taking her flesh off.
Us vs. Them.
*Interviews with Mary Armstrong, Harriett Robinson, Fannie Moore and Delia Garlic, When I Was a Slave.
Alcohol and us vs. them
Earlier in this post, I wrote: “When you combine alcohol with Us vs. Them, you get a dangerous brew. Very dangerous.” Alcohol was mentioned periodically throughout When I Was a Slave. Brandy stills, a frequently-drunk saloon owner, lots of whiskey, juleps, home-brew. The true role of alcohol in many of the hostile, violent events is impossible to estimate, but I suspect that it was significant. (We’ll explore the role of alcohol in Us vs. Them from the aggressors’ point of view in a future post.)
Andrew Moss* talked about life on master George Hopper’s plantation in Georgia. Slaves were given a glass of whiskey every night to “keep off disease.” Really? Didn’t the whiskey also reduce runaways? In Alabama, Mingo White* and the other slaves were given whiskey and good food during corn-shucking and cotton-picking parties. He described the “jacklights” set up in the cotton patches so they could see. Slaves from other plantations came too. It was a big deal. In other words, large groups of slaves worked late into the night for food and whiskey—and the master called it a party.
I believe slave owners used alcohol to control their slaves
and to increase their productivity during harvest.
Us vs. Them.
*Interviews with Andrew Moss and Mingo White, When I Was a Slave.
Your turn
Peaceful Reader, have you encountered disturbing Us vs. Them attitudes and behaviors? Have you seen what groups can do—empowered by “We’re right; you’re wrong” or “We’re in; you’re out” thinking?
Evil often masquerades itself using Us vs. Them.
It happens in families. It happens in schools. It happens in churches. It happens in businesses. It happens in societies. Close your eyes and remember….
Pray and ask God to give you eyes to see and ears to listen closely for Us vs. Them thinking.
We must identify evil and address it rightly. But when Us vs. Them isn’t about good vs. evil—or, as is often the case, when evil is masquerading as good—the violence that results is extremely damaging. Review the emotional violence list at the top of this post.
And beware.
Coming next: We’ll continue digging into Us vs. Them in 1800s slavery. Get ready to read about the KKK, spiritual warfare and much more. Thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: Psalm 5:8
Song: “Brighter Days” by Blessing Offor
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