Joseph—the feast
Last time on Choosing Peace, Joseph told his 10 older brothers—who didn’t recognize him—that he would test them. He told them straight up what he was doing. “I am giving you a test.” (1) They had to bring their youngest brother (Benjamin) with them the next time they came to Egypt to buy food. (2) Joseph put them in prison together for three days for a little shock factor. (3) He threatened them with death if they didn’t bring Benjamin next time. (4) Joseph put one of them, Simeon, in prison to be held as ransom until the other brothers returned with Benjamin. Translation: “I mean business. You will return. And you will bring Benjamin.”
Did Joseph’s brothers pass their first test? You’ll find out today.
Get ready to read about the Blame Thrower, honey and spices, and trafficking.
Silver and sons
Joseph ordered that his brothers’ bags be filled with grain and the silver they brought to pay for it. When one of his brothers opened his sack during their trip home, he saw the silver. “…and they turned trembling to one another, saying, “What is this that God has done to us?”” ~ Genesis 42:28b, NHEB. After they got home and told their father Jacob everything that happened, all of them realized that their silver had been returned to them. “When they and their father saw their bags of silver, they were afraid” ~ Genesis 42:35, NHEB.
Jacob was getting distraught over the loss of Joseph and Simeon and the threatened loss of Benjamin. Reuben, the oldest, assured their father that he would bring Benjamin to Egypt and back home. He offered the lives of his two sons as ransom. Jacob said no. “…for [Benjamin’s] brother is dead, and he alone is left. If harm should happen to him on the journey you are taking, then you will bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to Sheol” ~ Genesis 42:38, NHEB.
Lie #1
Jacob believed Joseph was dead and that he had 11 sons left. Why did he say that Benjamin “alone is left”? Ahhh, yes. The sin of parental favoritism reared its ugly head yet again. Jacob’s favorite sons—Joseph and Benjamin—were born to his beloved wife Rachel. His other 10 sons weren’t.
Israel’s blame and Judah’s offer
The famine raged on. Eventually, the grain they brought home from Egypt ran out. Jacob—also known as Israel—asked his sons to return to Egypt and buy more food. Judah reminded him that Benjamin absolutely had to go with them.
Then Israel said, “Why did you bring this trouble on me by telling the man that you had another brother?” They said, “The man kept asking about ourselves, and concerning our relatives, saying, ‘Is your father still alive? Do you have another brother?’ So we just answered his questions. How were we to know that he would say, ‘Bring your brother down?’” Then Judah said to his father Israel, “Send the boy with me and we’ll get up and go, so that we may live and not die, both we and you, and also our little ones. I will be collateral for him. You can hold me responsible for him. If I fail to bring him to you and set him before you, then let me bear the blame forever, for if we hadn’t delayed, surely we would have returned a second time by now.”
Genesis 43:6-10, New Heart English Bible
Israel whipped out his Blame Thrower, saying: “Why did you bring this trouble on me…?” And his sons simply told him what actually went down. Instead of being offended or returning the attack, Judah generously offered to take full responsibility for Benjamin’s safe return. Full responsibility. He committed to protecting the son his father prized, while knowing that his father didn’t prize him. That takes maturity and selflessness.
The delay
Judah also told us something important. Israel delayed sending his sons back to Egypt for more food because of his fear about having to send Benjamin with them. In other words, they delayed and delayed and delayed. They likely ate more of their livestock than usual, they probably restricted portions, and more—to stretch this time as long as possible. Everyone had to sacrifice because of Israel’s fear—an outpouring of the sin of parental favoritism. Notice that Israel wasn’t remotely afraid about sending his other sons to Egypt. In fact, before he sent them there the first time, he insulted them, saying: “Why do you look at one another?” ~ Genesis 42:1b, NHEB. In other words, Why are you dilly-dallying around? You’re grown men. Get down there!
Lie #2
We think of Benjamin as a youngster compared with his older brothers, but Joseph was 37 to 39 years old at this time, so Benjamin was in his upper 20s or early 30s.
In verse 8 in the scripture passage above, Judah said, “Send the boy with me.” Why would Judah refer to his roughly 30-year-old brother as “the boy”? We can do the math, Peaceful Readers. Judah and his brothers referred to Benjamin as “the boy” because their father Israel did. The sin of parental favoritism includes repetitious lies to justify itself. “Because Benjamin is my new favorite—because he is ‘my boy,’ he gets preferential treatment. Boys get protection and treats that adults don’t.”
Benjamin hadn’t been a boy for many years. In fact, he had 10 sons of his own! Yet the clan still called him “the boy.” I wonder if that bugged him. Nowadays, we’d roll our eyes and say, “Knock it off.” We’re more casual and feistier these days. I don’t think that would’ve been allowed back then.
Lie #3
Remember from part 3:
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he had been born to him in his old age. And he made a long ornamented robe for him.
Genesis 37:3, New Heart English Bible
There’s a lie hiding in there. Do you see it? Do you hear it? How did their father justify his parental favoritism toward Joseph? Because Joseph had supposedly been born to Israel “in his old age”—implying that his 10 older brothers were significantly older and were born during Israel’s youth.
Lies, lies and more lies.
The truth
Here’s the truth. Joseph’s 10 older brothers were close to him in age. Jacob—I mean Israel—fathered 10 boys and 1 girl in 6 years. (See Ages and Stages in part 4.) Joseph’s oldest brother, Reuben, was about 6 years older than he was. The others were closer in age. Israel didn’t suddenly become an old man right before Joseph was born. He was lying. Big-time. In fact, Jacob/Israel was more than 70 years old “when he tricked his father Isaac and stole his brother Esau’s blessing”—which was roughly 7 years before he married Rachel and her sister Leah. Translation: Jacob was in his upper 70s when Reuben was born and was in his 80s when Joseph was born. As they say, he was no spring chicken. You’ll hear this Born-In-His-Old-Age lie again later in the story.
In truth, Israel loved Joseph and Benjamin more than their 10 older brothers because he loved their mother Rachel more than her sister Leah. Rachel was his favorite wife and they were his favorite children. Was it okay for him to reject his other children in certain ways? Absolutely not. More to the point, sin is sin. There is no truthful justification for the sin of parental favoritism. It is not okay. Ever.
The sin of parental favoritism includes frequently-repeated lies, references and/or nicknames used to justify preferential treatment toward one person or group and the rejection of another person or group.
The lies can be spoken or unspoken.
Favoritism vs. child-specific parenting
We need to take a short detour into a subject that can be confusing. What’s the difference between parental favoritism and child-specific parenting?
All and each
All children need to be protected appropriately by their parents; need to feel loved by their parents; need to learn about God from their parents; need thoughtful, effective discipline; etc. But this particular truth can’t be overstated. Each child is absolutely unique. What works with one child doesn’t necessarily work with another child. Parents would do well to understand love languages and need to use a variety of parenting skills—tailoring their responses to each child they’re parenting.
Easy and not-so-easy
How does this relate to parental favoritism? Some people mistakenly consider this “you’re unique” reality to be evidence of parental favoritism. One child requires a seemingly harsher response than another to achieve the desired result. One daughter just needs a furrowed brow. She erupts into tears, confession, remorse and the problem is solved. Her sister glares when she’s confronted, and yells before stomping out the door—followed by an ear-splitting door slam. These two sisters—and all children—need child-specific parenting.
Mom and Dad may appear to be “easier” on the tearful daughter. But in truth, they simply know who she is and the most effective way to reach her. Likewise, to respond effectively to the yeller/stomper/door-slammer, they must wield more advanced parenting techniques and be equipped with greater resolve. Yes, indeed. Some children are easier to parent than others. Good parenting is not for wimps.
An example
My pal Charlene is an excellent example of child-specific parenting. She and Winston have three very unique children. Their parenting techniques demonstrated their understanding of the vast differences between their three children and what each one needed. Even though their children weren’t all easy, there was no favoritism. Charlene has been a loving, wise mom for all three of her children, who are now grown and married. They’ve each received sacrificial, truth-speaking, Christ-like love from their dear mom. Well done, Charlene.
Spoken or unspoken lies
So—long story short—child-specific parenting is not the same as parental favoritism. Parental favoritism includes lies and preferential treatment. “The sin of parental favoritism includes frequently-repeated lies, references and/or nicknames used to justify preferential treatment toward one person or group and the rejection of another person or group.” Not okay.
Please note that the lies can be spoken or unspoken. But the lies are, ultimately, quite clear.
What do the lies of parental favoritism communicate? Love vs. lack of love. Value vs. lack of value. Status vs. lack of status. Dignity vs. lack of dignity. Relationship vs. lack of relationship. Worth vs. lack of worth. Talent vs. lack of talent. Communication vs. lack of communication. Intelligence vs. lack of intelligence. Affection vs. lack of affection. Authority vs. lack of authority. Beauty vs. lack of beauty. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Three sisters
Having been raised in a family plagued by the sin of parental favoritism—among many others, I can testify to the destruction involved. In the place where I grew up, the lies were all unspoken, but eventually became loud and clear. I was my dad’s favorite and Pam, The Almighty was my mom’s favorite. Since my dad was a narcissist, I was plagued by confusion, fear and catastrophically poor judgment. He did all the talking; I did all the listening. I was a weak sponge who soaked up all the lies and thought his pompous showboating was normal. I couldn’t see or acknowledge the truth even if it slapped me upside the head. (Until I could.)
Pam, the malignant narcissist, was adored and babied by our exceedingly-quiet, codependent mom. Pam was plagued by envy, scheming and an insatiable hunger for control. She lived to control others and to punish those who deigned to say no. But she paid the ultimate price.
What about Linda, the oldest? She was no one’s favorite. After Pam died, I finally realized that Linda’s a narcissist too. Yikes. Three narcissists out of a family of five. What a strange crew.
The teams
In families plagued by the sin of parental favoritism, there will be teams or alliances. Us vs. Them. In our family, Pam and my mom were a team—with Pam being the boss. My mom lived in complete denial and pretended not to be on a team. Growing up and well into adulthood, Pam and I were a team against Linda. After my showdown with Pam, Linda joined Pam’s team and enjoyed smacking down the opposition—Yours Truly and my family—when she wasn’t lying and/or pretending to play for both teams simultaneously. Not possible.
What were some of the teams in Joseph’s family? Jacob/Israel, Rachel and Joseph were a team. After Rachel died, Jacob/Israel, Joseph and Benjamin were a team. And Joseph’s 10 older brothers were a team. I’m not sure where their sister Dinah fit in, if anywhere. In families plagued by parental favoritism, some people don’t have a team. (My Brandon was the target in his sick family. He was alone.)
The violence
Parental favoritism is Us vs. Them, family-style. Very serious business. From part 3:
The family shredder
Unfortunately, Jacob experienced The Ripple Effect of sin. He displayed parental favoritism just like his parents did. This particular sin literally tears families apart. It creates an Us vs. Them reality inside the family—a very destructive and dangerous thing.
From this post in the Forgiving series:
The violence indicator
…In my reading and personal experience, I’ve found [Us vs. Them] to be the highest indicator for violence. In other words, if people are thinking in Us vs. Them terms, there’s a higher likelihood of violence—emotional, physical or sexual.
We know from Joseph’s life that the sin of parental favoritism
has violent, serious, long-term consequences.
Trafficking
As a direct result of the sin of parental favoritism, Joseph’s 10 older brothers hated him and sold him into slavery. They trafficked him. They got rid of him, pocketed the money, and lied about it—pretending he was dead. We think of trafficking as a fairly new thing, but it’s obviously a very old thing documented in the first book of the Bible.
Peaceful Readers, please watch the two podcasts described below—one by PBD and one by Liz Wheeler. They provide important clarity about modern-day trafficking, without being unnecessarily graphic.
PBD Podcast with Rep. Byron Donalds, episode 541
The outstanding 30-minute trafficking segment in this PBD Podcast is well worth your time. Watch from 1:18:50 (1 hour, 18 minutes, 50 seconds) to 1:50:35 (1 hour, 50 minutes, 35 seconds).
Insight
Host Patrick Bet-David and Rep. Byron Donalds from Florida provide the insight that I, personally, needed on this issue. Learn about “the great humanitarian disaster of our time.” How much do some people pay the coyotes and cartels to be smuggled into the U.S.? What does the Office of Refugee Resettlement know about children being used as slave labor? What is the connection between COVID-19, Title 42 and unaccompanied children arriving at our southern border in large groups?
Who and why
Who is doing this and why? Yes, it’s about the money. But we must grasp the more sinister agenda behind it. Drink in these key facts revealed in this podcast.
♦ Illegal aliens have come to the U.S. from 184 different countries.
♦ “Joe Biden let in 10 to 15 million people.”
♦ The democrats do it “to expand our welfare state here in the United States.”
♦ In 2022 alone, 149,000 unaccompanied children entered the U.S. (Average age? Eleven.)
♦ “The kids are given a script to say.”
♦ “This is business. The Biden administration knew that it was business. The staffers at Homeland and at the White House knew this was going on. They wanted it to go on.”
♦ “The NGOs operate on both sides of the border in order for this entire process to happen. And they used kids as the first wave of it….”
♦ Some Democrats adhere to the theory that “you overwhelm the system in order to rebuild the system.”
“And that’s why Donald Trump was elected to stop all this.”
Rep. Byron Donalds
Reflections from Frankie Ann
Clearly, the purpose of the invasion of the United States has been to take down our country from within. To overwhelm the country financially, destabilize communities, increase crime, convince people of the “need” for an authoritarian government, take down the dollar, etc.
That reminds me of the CIA’s specialty—toppling and replacing governments. In the PBD Podcast described above, you’ll notice the big role of COVID-19 in children entering our country without their parents. Who paid for the creation of COVID-19 in the Wuhan lab? USAID—an arm of the CIA. (See part 9.) Do you see the web of evil? Are you seeing the connection between these wicked schemes?
…for the LORD has comforted his people, and will have compassion on his afflicted.
Isaiah 49:13b, New Heart English Bible
The Liz Wheeler Show, episode 84
While speaking at the Young America’s Foundation Freedom Conference in San Diego, Liz Wheeler provided excellent coverage of the impact of illegal immigration on our country, and the basics about human trafficking through our Mexican border.
Yes, Joseph was trafficked as a teenager. But God was with him—leading him, teaching him, building him into a great leader. After spending 13 years in slavery and prison, he became the #2 man in charge of Egypt—Pharaoh’s right-hand man. That’s amazing. Could someone trafficked in recent years become, one day, a great leader? Absolutely. Nothing is impossible with God.
Do you need encouragement today? Drink in this truth, deeply.
Looking at them, Jesus said, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26, World English Bible
The gift and the silver
It was time for Joseph’s brothers to return to Egypt to buy more food—and Benjamin had to be there. No Benjamin, no food. Judah said he’d take full responsibility for getting Benjamin back home. What happened next?
Then their father Israel said to them, “If it must be so, then do this: Take some of the best fruits of the land in your bags and bring a gift for the man, a little balm, a little honey, spices and myrrh, pistachio nuts and almonds. Take twice as much silver in your hand, and take back the silver that was returned in the mouth of your sacks. Perhaps it was an oversight. Take your brother also, and get up, go back to the man. And may El Shaddai [—God Almighty—] grant you mercy before the man, that he may release to you your other brother and Benjamin. If I am deprived of my children, then I am deprived.”
The men took this gift, and they took twice as much silver with them, and Benjamin. Then they got up and went down to Egypt, and presented themselves before Joseph.
Genesis 43:11-15, New Heart English Bible
From fear to peace
When Joseph saw Benjamin, he told the steward of his house to bring the men into his house, and to slaughter and prepare an animal for the meal they’d eat together at noon. Joseph’s brothers were afraid that they were about to be captured and made slaves. They told Joseph’s steward all about the silver that had been put back in their sacks.
[The steward] said, “Peace to you. Do not be afraid. Your God and the God of your father has given you treasure in your sacks. I received your silver.” Then he brought Simeon out to them.
Genesis 43:23, New Heart English Bible
The feast
The steward welcomed them into Joseph’s house, gave them water and fed their donkeys. When Joseph got home, his brothers presented their gift to him and bowed down to him. Joseph asked how they were doing and how their father was doing. They said their father was well, “And they bowed and prostrated themselves” ~ Genesis 43:28b, NHEB. Joseph saw Benjamin and asked about him before saying, “God be gracious to you, my son” ~ Genesis 43:29b, NHEB. Then Joseph rushed out of the room, “overcome with emotion” (v. 30) for Benjamin, and wept in his room. After composing himself, Joseph returned and the feast began. In keeping with the customs of the times, Joseph sat by himself, his servants sat at a separate table, and the other Egyptians sat at another table. Egyptians weren’t allowed to eat at the same table with Hebrews.
And [Joseph’s brothers] sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright, and the youngest according to his youth, and the men looked at each other with amazement. Then he gave portions to them in front of him, but Benjamin’s portion was five times as much as any of theirs. So they drank until they all became drunk.
Genesis 43:33-34, New Heart English Bible
Why did Joseph throw a feast and eat with his brothers? I believe it’s because he finally saw Benjamin, the one brother born to his dear mom Rachel, now deceased. For the first time in decades, he saw someone who was on his team—on his side. He saw someone from his family who was truly for him. Someone from his past who would love him. Seeing Benjamin was cause for feasting and drinking heartily.
Passing the first test
Joseph’s brothers passed their first test. They brought Benjamin to Egypt as Joseph commanded them. Was the feast also part of the test? Unbeknownst to Joseph’s brothers, it was. Let’s consider the feast to be Test #2—in addition to being a celebration in honor of Benjamin.
Coming next: Joseph’s third and final test of his brothers—Test #3—will reveal the ultimate truth. Did some of Joseph’s older brothers truly change? Joseph remembered them all these years as impulsive, violent, hateful young men in their teens and early 20s. Who were they now?
Until next time, thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: Hebrews 11:1
Song: “Faith” by Jordan Feliz
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