Victory and trust
Today on Choosing Peace you’ll read about something I whispered to a friend, a pivotal phone call and my new favorite football team.
The last post had two distinct parts: The happy part and the heavy part. The heavy part included a big fight between Brandon and me, with even bigger revelations about love languages and how to avoid those misperceptions, misunderstandings and mistakes in the future. Today’s post will be similar in regards to the two distinct parts. You’ll read the victory part first, followed by the blessing part. Wait a minute. It ends with victory too. Think of it as A Blessing Sandwich.
The end of an era, 2.0
The big fight in part 3 happened on December 5. What came the very next day? A phone call marking the end of an era. A promise of resolution. The removal of a chain.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve repeatedly experienced a pattern where I’ll have an absolutely horrible day followed by a day of remarkable victory. Why is that? What is that about? Attacks from Satan? Wake up calls? Tests to build my faith and perseverance? I wonder.
The end of an era, 1.0
This post, subtitled The End of an Era, described my sociopathic father-in-law’s funeral. But it was about more than Andrew’s death and my mother-in-law Delia’s drama. There were other people involved. Accomplices, an ex-friend and a lying preacher. Mercy. I’m shaking my head and rolling my eyes—a two-for-one, yet again. Long story short: God protected us and we walked away from the hostility—stronger than before and with heightened clarity.
The time came this month for The End of An Era, 2.0.
The phone call and the transfer
So, what happened on December 6, the day after my fight with Brandon? Who called me? Someone whose identity was kept hidden by Pam, The Almighty. I was called by the financial advisor in charge of Logan’s trust fund. The cancer was winning and Pam was finally losing. She could no longer manage—I mean control—Logan’s trust fund, so it would be transferred to me, the secondary executor of our mom’s will.
The chain of events
Five years ago, we went to my mom’s funeral and saw Pam, The Punisher for the last time. After Pam’s appearance at probate court, I received a copy of our mom’s will. I was shocked. Eleven years earlier, unbeknownst to me, Pam took our mom to get her will rewritten. What was originally slated to be split three ways between our parents’ three daughters would now be split seven ways. Since Pam had three children, she got control of 4/7 of the estate (her part plus her children’s parts). The rewriting of the will increased Pam’s cut from 1/3 to 4/7. And, as the executor, she had control of Logan’s piece until he turned 25. Or so she thought.
Her victory
Sixteen years ago, Pam, The Almighty took our mom to get her will rewritten to increase Pam’s piece of the pie. Linda, the oldest, knew what Pam had done. I was kept in the dark. After taking control of our mom’s estate, it was time to get rid of The Competition—me. Later that year, Pam kicked me out of her life. Like I said in A Story of Grieving, part 7: “Coincidence? I think not.” She got control of the money; I got the boot.
True colors
This seems to be an interesting trend. The same thing happened to my friend Sam and to one of Charlene’s old friends. In all three cases, the rewriting of the will was instigated by the descendant with the most children—by the person with the most to gain. When there’s money involved, people reveal their true colors. That reminds me of Haman in the book of Esther. Read about Haman and Pam in this post. Start at the section called Evil Hearts and read through The Eyes and the End. It’s eye-opening. Truly.
Toying with the target
Pam had fun being the mob boss of Our Perfect Family. She got to control our mom and her money, and she got to dog me out—the sibling she envied—the one she had to beat. She had fun toying with me when I requested money from Logan’s trust fund to pay for college. Check out these comments from Pam’s emails: “I thought I had responded to your previous requests.” “Sorry I missed this email.” Right. Then there were the enthusiastic, oh-so-caring-and-interested notes to Logan with each check, signed, “Love, Aunt Pam.” After reading each of her notes, I’d think, Where is the trash can? I need to throw up now.
She loved the control. She loved the games. She loved the lies, the punishing and the collecting. Evil on steroids. Man, she was having fun.
Until she wasn’t.
The end
Early on Christmas Eve while I was writing this post, with my precious Marvin on one side and a flickering candle on the other, I received a text from Linda. Pam died that morning. And the first thing that entered my mind was the song from The Wizard of Oz, “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead.” Throughout the day, I sang it in my mind (and even out loud a little).
Victory
If you haven’t dealt with an evil person who sought your downfall, you might think I’m callous and mean. Did Esther and her people mourn over the execution of the evil Haman and his homies who sought their downfall? No. They feasted and celebrated God’s amazing victory. See this post for that often-ignored piece of Esther’s story—The Victory Chapter in the story of the orphaned girl who became a queen. When evil is vanquished, it’s time for feasting, celebrating and humbly thanking God. Can I get an Amen with that?
Joyful singing and the whisper
Later on Christmas Eve, we sat with Meagan’s family at church and celebrated the birth of Jesus: Christmas carols, a sermon and being with the family of God in a packed house. What a fine and fitting celebration. When it was over, I whispered in Meagan’s ear that my sister died that morning and that I was doing great. She smiled and understood. We enjoyed a lovely visit about life and loved ones.
Football
Speaking of celebrating—if the names Tua and Tyreek ring a bell, then you know the Miami Dolphins, my new favorite NFL team. I ditched my old favorite team, the Chiefs, after Travis Kelce did a commercial for Pfizer. That was a deal-breaker for yours truly. If that makes no sense to you, read this post and watch the last documentary on the list.
Back to my new favorite team. The Miami Dolphins have a player named Smythe. How cool is that? Here on Choosing Peace, I use the name Frankie Ann Smythe. My team also has a player who changed his last name to Chosen. I love that. If you haven’t watched the series “The Chosen,” I can’t recommend it highly enough. Anyway, on Christmas Eve night, we watched the Dolphins beat the Cowboys. Brandon and Logan weren’t too thrilled that I was cheering for the Dolphins instead of our home team, but it sure was fun. Victory.
The freedom
On Christmas morning, the day after Pam died, Brandon described her as “a specter hanging over you.” He talked about how I had to “tickle the beast twice a year” to access Logan’s trust fund to pay for college. And now it was over. So true. I told my husband that the thorn in my flesh was gone. Finally.
Songs and dreams
Shortly after Brandon described Pam as a specter and a beast—which ministered to me deeply—my favorite song of all time started playing on our Pandora app: “Ivory Hymn” by Thad Fiscella. It speaks peace to me. Deep, abiding peace.
And later while I dozed on the couch, I heard “Beauty of Grace.” I opened my eyes and remembered the name—another peaceful beauty by Thad Fiscella.
For more Pictures of Pam, reflect on our dreams about her—The Spider, The Narrated Dream and The Wolves. We called her The Spider.
Thanksgiving on Christmas
I’m not sure what the weeks ahead will hold, but I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Thanks be to God.
Psalm 91:8 came to life at just the right time—on Christmas Eve. And Brandon’s wise words will continue to be a part of my adaptation to the new reality and the healing God has in store.
Unfinished business
After someone dies, we can have unfinished business, like the need to forgive that person—and/or their accomplices, as the case may be. Also, we may need to forgive ourselves. Have I truly forgiven myself for my blindness to my sister’s evil for most of my life? Remember, I very mistakenly thought she was my friend. Until I didn’t. Writing about adapting gave me compassion for myself and my story. And as I’ve written this Forgiving series, I’ve taken care of forgiving, especially while I was writing about hidden things, like adapting, people’s impact on my life and more. To learn how God lets us know we have unfinished emotional business, read part 8 of When the Need to Forgive Has Been Hidden.
Blessings
What else happened in December? Blessings flowed down from the Lord, and The Post-Turnaround Transformation continued.
Answered prayer
The Sunday after I received the call about Logan’s trust fund, I sat by a lady in our life group; I’ll call her Amy. She looked very distraught. Amy had just been kicked out of her family. She wasn’t invited to a wedding and “the bride” uninvited her to Christmas. Amy was devastated. I told her some of our story and reassured her. Later that week, I texted her the story of our banishment to encourage her. Amy replied, “Wow, that’s an incredible eye opener. I’ve never tried to understand our family dynamics as a whole. But I believe my sister is the mob boss in our family and my niece is her more effective and manipulative protégé. Thanks for sharing. It means a lot.”
This encounter with Amy was an answer to prayer. I didn’t ask God to make my life easy, but to make it worthwhile. I asked him to show me someone who was helped by Choosing Peace in a time of extreme family hurt. And Amy was the answer to that prayer. I smiled and thanked God for the privilege of stepping into her story. Amy’s not alone, and now she knows that.
Peace and clarity
As Brandon and I talked, the Holy Spirit revealed important truths.
Monday, December 11
Journal entry
Today was good. Brandon cooked us fried eggs for breakfast and salmon burgers for lunch. What a sweetie. …Yesterday, Brandon asked me for words of affirmation. I gave him some while we were in the car. At home I spoke for a long time about how the severity of the abuse and dysfunction in his family was essential to wake me up about my own family of origin—the people in the house. Because of him and his family, I started writing Choosing Peace. Through my writing and while I write, I experience revelations and healing. I write questions and the Lord answers them. Brandon totally understood. He verbalized that he had to be the one for me and I agreed. This conversation brought him peace. It gave me clarity too, and reminded me of something I journaled years ago: It is good to be loved by him.
When I initially wrote it, I didn’t understand that important truth: It is good to be loved by him. Now I can embrace it with joy and peace. We’ve come a long way.
Moving ahead
Daily quiet time and rest time make a real difference. “Aslan is on the move….”
Saturday, December 16
Journal entry
Brandon’s been talking to Logan about Psalm 91 lately. He recommended that Logan say Psalm 91 to start his day. Hallelujah!
…Yesterday we received the FedEx [envelope] with the papers I need to sign about transferring [the management of] Logan’s trust to me. Lord, make it all smooth—for our good. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.
Tuesday, December 19
Journal entry
I woke up at 5-something and filled out the [trust] paperwork…. (Interestingly, today is Pam and [her ex-husband] Doug’s anniversary.) Brandon took the return FedEx envelope to a drop-box.
I got dressed for work and then started feeling bad—stomach bug. I took the day off, went back to sleep and woke up at 1:15!!! Hallelujah and Praise the Lord. I was exceedingly tired. I took it easy this afternoon and started reading [a new book].
I finished fluffing the Christmas tree and Brandon and Logan put the lights on. Yay! Brandon put the angel on top and I put out the stockings and Santa hats….
What a blessing it was to be off work that day. A good phone call with my new mom Kathleen, eating leftover shepherd’s pie for dinner, watching another Miami Dolphins game with Brandon, plus Logan enjoying a great evening with church friends. Rest. Progress. Loved ones.
Giving and receiving
The next night, Brandon gave me a long, glorious massage by candlelight. It was so relaxing. I told him it was the nicest thing he ever did for me.
Trust
Afterwards, he apologized for being insensitive about something recently. He said he understands why I didn’t trust him all those years and that he’s responsible for that (because of his behavior). He asked me to trust him now and I told him I would. What a remarkable evening. Thanks be to God—The Healer, The Protector and The Provider. For more, scroll down to God in the index and look for God is….
Goodies and help
I thought Christmas would be pretty low-key this year. With December being a seriously-busy month at work, along with a lingering leg injury, I didn’t have the time or strength for the usual Christmas baking, etc. Guess what God did? For three consecutive days, the Lord showered us with treats—homemade chocolate fudge from Paula at St. Matt’s; popcorn from a local business; a bag full of gifts and goodies, including homemade banana bread, from our next-door neighbors; homemade cinnamon bread from Logan’s friend’s mom; and more. Wow. I was totally blown away. I didn’t need to bake, did I?
The Lord showed us his abundant love through the kindness of others.
Logan decorated our Christmas tree and was helpful in so many ways. So was Brandon. What did I need? I needed rest. Thank you, generous Father, for my family and all the ways you blessed us this month. Amen.
The finishing touch
The Friday before Christmas, we hosted a dinner party with our monthly triple-date friends. Earlier that day, I put one of my favorite Logan-and-me photos in a nice wooden frame. Brandon attached the two metal eyes and picture wire to the back of the frame so we could hang it in our dining room. It looked perfect—the finishing touch on an ensemble made up of two cross-stitches and two photos. Here’s the thing. The photo was taken 10 years ago, the week I turned 50. I had access to that photo all those years and bought the frame several months ago. Our Christmas party provided the necessary event or deadline or motivation to finally hang it up. And that, Peaceful Readers, is a-okay. Right photo. Right frame. Right spot. Right time.
When I think about all that God has been doing for Brandon and me last month and this month, it’s important not to wander around on What-if Lane. The timing was right for it all. We were ready. All the preliminary steps were taken. And the Holy Spirit did his thing, as only he can do.
The saga and the victory
After writing The Beauty of the Bible, at the end of part 10, I reflected on that landmark group of posts. In a fascinating way, it ties in with our marriage—The Saga of Brandon and Frankie Ann. Very painful at times, and also filled with victory.
The battle, beautiful themes and varied gifts
All three Bible stories—Samson, the resurrection and Esther—demonstrate the cosmic battle between good and evil. And God won every time. The key themes I see in The Beauty of the Bible are (1) our purpose—both our life purpose and our transformation, (2) God’s protection, and (3) God’s power and victory.
God gives us what we need to fulfill his purpose for our life. He gave Samson strength. He gave Mary Magdalene deliverance from demons. He gave Esther favor. What has he given you? Think about that. What has God given you? What gifts, skills and talents? What experiences, revelations and attributes? What godly desires and inner drive? Who do you influence? Who has he brought into your life?
Close your eyes and do some reflecting…. Spend some quiet time with God.
And thank him for his many blessings.
What he gave me
What did God give me to walk for 25 years down this challenging yet very rewarding road with my Brandon? He gave me perseverance and a great hunger for truth. He gave me my Soul Sister—remarkable Charlene—who could truly understand my situation and gives me wise counsel. He gave me a lifetime of stories to tell, with healing and revealing by the Holy Spirit as I write. Most importantly, he saved my soul. He gave me Jesus. He brought me from death to life. Read my testimony here: part 1 and part 2.
The song “Rescue Story,” featured at the end of the post quoted above, expresses my gratitude.
Sandwiches
At the beginning, I described this post as A Blessing Sandwich. You know—a generous serving of blessings piled up between two slices of victory.
Let’s end today’s post with A Frankie Ann Sandwich. On December 19, I took this photo of Brandon and Marvin with their heads in my lap. Mmmm-mmm, good. So very good. That reminds me of the song for this post, featured below: “Good” by Dave Barnes. I think you’ll love it, even if you’ve had your share of challenges.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of lights….
James 1:17a, World English Bible
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Coming next: I think we’ll be moving on to The Ten Steps to Forgiving, but the Holy Spirit may surprise me with something else. Until then, thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: Psalm 86:5
Song: “Good” by Dave Barnes
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