The manifesto
Welcome back. We’ll continue our analysis (i.e., blasting) of Uncle Henry’s sneak attack/letter today. My husband Brandon likes to refer to it as The Manifesto. He’s right.
Seven out of eight red flags captured
I’m duplicating the Red Flags for Sociopaths list from the last post so we can refer to it during today’s matching game; I mean mission. We found examples of item 3, Charm and Niceness in the first half of paragraph 3, so we’ve found seven out of eight of the red flags for violence (i.e., sociopaths) in Uncle Henry’s sneak attack/letter. That’s pretty remarkable. Or maybe it’s just really telling, as they say.
Peaceful Readers, if you’re already familiar with the current nicknames and the list of Red Flags for Sociopaths, jump on down to The Manifesto’s Ending.
Temporary nicknames
In this six-part post, I’ll continue using the new nicknames that go along with the analogy of war.
The Dictator = My sociopathic mother-in-law, Delia
(usually known as Her Majesty, the Sadistic Control Freak)
The Other General = My sociopathic father-in-law, Andrew
The New Recruit = Delia’s brother, Uncle Henry
Red flags for sociopaths
In her article, “How to Spot—and Handle—a Sociopath,” Lisa Wolcott shares warning signs for violence… “a menu of sociopathic characteristics” from a book she recommends. I’ve summarized most of the descriptions below. We need to become really familiar with this list. Study it. Think about times when people have used these tactics against you.
1. Forced teaming (i.e., Crashing a problem)
Sociopaths lie to their victims, claiming to have a predicament or problem in common with them.
2. Speaking in “we” terms
Sociopaths use the word “we” to manipulate their victims and pretend to be connected in some way.
3. Charm and niceness
Sociopaths use charm/niceness to manipulate their victims and “to disarm their mistrust.”
4. Too many details
“If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make themselves sound more credible to their chosen victim.”
5. Typecasting
Sociopaths insult their intended victims to get them entangled in conversation to prove the sociopath wrong.
6. Loan sharking
Sociopaths will “help” victims even when they haven’t asked for help so victims will feel obligated to reciprocate. Sociopaths frequently say “You owe me” in various ways.
7. The unsolicited promise
“A promise to do (or not do) something when no such promise is asked for; this usually means that such a promise will be broken. For example: an unsolicited, “I promise I’ll leave you alone after this,” usually means the chosen victim will not be left alone. Similarly, an unsolicited “I promise I won’t hurt you” usually means the person intends to hurt their chosen victim.”
8. Discounting the word “No”
“Refusing to accept rejection. “No thanks, I don’t need help,” the victim says. “Nonsense—it’s no trouble, we’re almost here!” says the sociopath.”
The manifesto’s ending
As we approach the conclusion of our mission—evaluating Uncle Henry’s sneak attack/letter—we’ll see another combo deal that includes a well-known prayer by St. Francis of Assisi. It’s lovely; simply mis-placed.
Here’s the last paragraph again. In the last post, we evaluated the first four sentences.
“(1) What the current situation between you and your parents is not known to me. (2) I just know, through your mother, that you and Frankie Ann have chosen to cut off all communication with them and disavow any future interest in “the farm.” (3) The farm has always been a special place for you. (4) I can fantasize that you, perhaps, had hopes that in years to come, you, like your father for Grandpa, could become his helpmate, even partner in allowing them to live longer and “weller” in that place. (5) Whatever the situation, whatever the current hurt, we are called as children of God to be peacemakers. (6) Peacemaking frequently requires sacrifice. (7) But it always requires risk and vulnerability as we reach out (not withdraw) in love, hoping, as St. Francis of Assisi stated “to be understood as to understand”. (8) His full prayer follows:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.Amen.
(9) I trust I will hear from you soon.
Uncle Henry/Recruit”
Match up
Let’s check out sentences 5 through 8 in this paragraph to see what tactics The New Recruit used in his final combo deal.
1. Forced teaming (i.e., Crashing a problem)
Sociopaths lie to their victims, claiming to have a predicament or problem in common with them.
2. Speaking in “we” terms
Sociopaths use the word “we” to manipulate their victims and pretend to be connected in some way.
3. Charm and niceness
Sociopaths use charm/niceness to manipulate their victims and “to disarm their mistrust.”
“(5) Whatever the situation, whatever the current hurt, we are called as children of God to be peacemakers. (6) Peacemaking frequently requires sacrifice. (7) But it always requires risk and vulnerability as we reach out (not withdraw) in love, hoping, as St. Francis of Assisi stated “to be understood as to understand”. (8) His full prayer follows: ….”
Comments from Little Miss Sassy Pants
(i.e., Frankie Ann, yours truly, me)
(Sentences 5 through 7) …we are called as children of God to be peacemakers. Touché. Excellent strike. Is this Master Manipulator good or what? I have a very biblical comeback (i.e., Bible verse quote) for The New Recruit, but I’m going to take my own advice: You play, you lose. So you, Master Manipulator, may enjoy the victorious thrill of getting in the last word on this one. Goodie for you.
Is The New Recruit using this expression as justification for trying to get involved in our supposed problem or as a “teaching point” to his non-compliant nephew Brandon and what’s-her-name—me? Either way, what we have here is a lovely example of Forced Teaming walking hand-in-hand with Speaking in “We” Terms. Don’t they look precious together? What a handsome couple. Oh! How could I forget. There’s little Charm and Niceness walking beside her parents. Now there’s a darling sociopathic family if ever I saw one—Forced Teaming (i.e., “Houston, we have a problem”), Speaking in “We” Terms, with a little Charm and Niceness. Uhh-dorable.
(Sentence 6) Peacemaking frequently requires sacrifice. Sociopaths are very fond of calling on other people to make sacrifices. In the words of Forrest Gump: “That’s all I have to say about that.”
Warning
Sick people, like sociopaths and their accomplices, will often quote the Bible, respected saints, poets, etc., as leverage—a manipulative tactic—against their victims. Peaceful Readers, what we must always do is seek the truth. Yes, the prayer by St. Francis of Assisi is lovely. It is truthful. However, in this context, it is being used manipulatively. The truthful concepts written in this famous prayer must be applied soberly and rightly to sociopaths.
Me, my and mine
One of the #1 tactics used by sociopaths is to respond to their victims’ complaints, refusals and/or healthy boundaries by saying, in a really whiny voice: “But what about my feelings?” In other words, “I’m going to ignore what you just said because what you want is irrelevant. What I—The Almighty Sociopath—want is the one thing that matters. Get on board with that or you’re walking the plank.”
You, your and yours
Likewise, the Prayer by St. Francis of Assisi states that we need to set aside our own needs and strive to meet other people’s needs. Sociopaths and other abusive people are extremely fond of this prayer for obvious reasons. They anticipate that we, their intended victims, won’t take the time and effort to do just that—to meet other people’s needs in the truest, wisest, often-difficult sense.
A misbehaving child needs correction, not a lollipop. Likewise, a sociopath needs the word no, not acquiescence, fear or a victim who resembles a door mat.
Coming next: In the next post, we’ll finish up our mission. We’ve been evaluating what The New Recruit’s sneak attack means. What has it told us about him? What have we learned?
Healing through truth and music
Peaceful Readers, I’ve found great healing in my life through the beauty and truth of God’s word and through music. I hope the truths and songs that I share at the end of each post will bless you too.
Truth from The Word: John 14:25-27
Song for Healing: “Give Me Jesus” by Jeremy Camp