Alpha and omega 4.1
Dedicated to Nanny
This morning when I turned on Pandora, the first song that played was “Deep River.” It reminded me of this post—and the glory that awaits us in heaven. On Saturday, Brandon and I went to the sweetest graveside service for Meagan’s mother-in-law. We all call her Nanny. What a precious lady despite the major hardships in her life. So peaceful. So humble. So thankful to God.
Nanny is singing and dancing and feasting in heaven—and sitting in Jesus’ lap or talking with a treasured friend. Envisioning her youthful beauty in her glorious white robe makes me smile.
Word game
When “Deep River” started playing, I’d just taken a photo of my partially-completed word search puzzle for today. I decided to do something fun and see if I could write a sentence related to this post that includes the first seven words I circled: epic, fragment, headline, laugh, parchment, steadfast and substance.
Here goes.
As I write a fragment of our epic story on modern parchment (my laptop), some parts make me laugh, while a hidden headline of deep substance, “Good vs. Evil,” reminds me of Jesus’ steadfast love.
The month of August
Last year, August was Foretelling Month. On the Alpha Day of August, I wrote the poem Silver to Brandon for our 25th anniversary. In part 7, we walked through the first 3 stanzas of that poem. Today, we’ll focus on stanza 4. What did it foretell?
Silver, stanza 4
The holidays came and the holidays went, filled with fear and strife and pain
For 25 years, we’ve kept the feasts—but, oh, how they did change
We walked the way they told us to walk, for the years we were bound in chains
And then one day, we left that road and we’ve never been the same
Party time
This stanza foretold the timing of the recent attacks. Why did Delia, my sociopathic mother-in-law, send her relatively-new husband Walter to attack us in March? Because Easter was that month—and Easter and Thanksgiving belong to them.
We walked the way they told us to walk, for the years we were bound in chains
Consider these excerpts from Portrait of a Sociopath, part 2. Let’s call it P2, for short.
Holidays and special events
…Delia, my mother-in-law, could care less about what we’re doing 99% of the time, except when it comes to celebrations and holidays—events where our absence would be noticed….
The essential image
I didn’t really get this holiday thing with her until Matt, our counselor, said: “If you don’t come, it makes her look bad.” That was a total news flash to me. I knew immediately, though, that he was absolutely right. It’s not that she wants to see us or spend time with us. From her sociopathic point of view, Her Majesty has an image to protect: The Norman Rockwell, We’re A Happy, Normal Family image.
The summons
How does a sociopath invite the targets to her party, pray tell? Here’s more from P2.
Delia, my mother-in-law, doesn’t offer an invitation. She issues a summons that goes like this (under the surface, of course): “Come or else you’ll be punished—severely—so you don’t have the audacity to ignore my next summons. Goodness sakes. Don’t you know who I am?!”
The note delivered by Delia’s husband Walter—I mean Major Wolf—during his sneak attack this spring was Delia’s summons. The gist of the note was: “Come back. Now.”
The note
Check out Delia’s note—I mean her Easter’s-Around-the-Corner summons: “Dear Frankie Ann and Brandon, I hope and pray that the ten years of missing you will be enough. I love both of you and, of course, Logan. I am sorry for anything I have done to separate us. Love, Mom.” When Brandon first read it, he said, “My mom didn’t write that note. She would never write like that.” He was certain that someone else dictated it and his mom wrote it down.
Why was I addressed first by the sociopath—or the equally-disturbed accomplice who dictated the note? Because Delia’s convinced that our estrangement is at my insistence and Brandon’s just along for the ride. Right.
Who, not what
Have you ever received an apology from someone whose behavior is confusing or disturbing? Remember from The Apology, part 2, “My focus needed to be on who was doing the writing, not on what was or wasn’t written.” Explore that whole post, Peaceful Readers. It’s a short little gem.
Let’s look at Delia’s supposed apology with that perspective in mind—focusing on the writer(s) so we can replace the lies with truth.
The L-word
What’s most disturbing about Delia’s note is the non-sociopathic expressions of hoping, praying, missing, being sorry and loving. Sociopaths don’t “hope and pray,” they don’t miss people, they’re never sorry, and they certainly don’t love anybody.
Let’s do a rewind and repeat from another post in the Sociopaths series:
Drama and power
Even though sociopaths are anti-love, they will profess to love you—with a great deal of theatrics—because they know the power of the word love to control people, especially their victims.
The disturbing memory
The other day, Brandon remembered a disturbing scene from his childhood, when he was 14 years old. The whole family was riding in their car—two sociopaths, one violent sister with HPD, the Passive Princess and Brandon. His mom (Sociopath #1) yelled “I love you!” at Brandon to get him to do something she wanted. He replied: “I just want someone to care about me and to think about what’s good for me.” Did anyone in his family ever care about him or think about what was good for him? No. Sick puppies. Seriously sick puppies.
The non-apology
Has Her Majesty ever apologized for anything in particular? No. An apology for “anything I have done” is not an apology. Delia—in true sociopathic fashion—can never be sorry. In the 8 (not 10) years of our estrangement or in the 17-plus years before that, she hasn’t come up with one single, solitary piece of regret. Zero. Zilch. Zip. That’s because she’s a sociopath. No conscience. No feelings (other than sadism). No empathy. No regret. That’s the way sociopaths are. It’s nothing personal because we aren’t people to her. We’re possessions. Entertainment. Playthings. Her favorite game.
Let’s call Delia’s sociopathic non-apology what it really is—the usual drama and attempted manipulation.
The real note
Since sociopaths don’t hope, pray, miss anyone, feel remorse or love, it’s time to rewrite Delia’s note with reality in mind. Also, no one is dear to a sociopath. That’s beyond ridiculous. Here’s the real note, with the replacement words shown in italics.
“Losers, Frankie Ann and Brandon, I assert and declare that the ten years of your insubordination will be enough. I own both of you and, of course, Logan. I am not remotely sorry for anything I have done to end the lifelong attack-fest [because I am walking perfection, beauty and power]. Ever-attacking, Her Majesty, the Sadistic Control Freak.”
Now that’s more like it. I’m chuckling.
Back to the basics.
The furniture
The holidays came and the holidays went, filled with fear and strife and pain
How would Her Majesty, The Artist treat the targets at her party? P2 sketches the picture.
We aren’t people to her; we’re possessions. …Generally speaking, she treats us like unwanted furniture. We have to be there when she expects us, sitting dutifully in our rightful place in the corner at the far end of the room, so she can ignore or squash us, as the mood strikes.
The switcheroo
And then one day, we left that road and we’ve never been the same
Sociopaths must have targets. It’s that simple. When we left The War Zone, Brandon’s parents freaked out—not because they missed us, but because they lost their targets—their entertainment, their playthings, their dart boards. Guess what Delia did? She turned one of her accomplices into her new target. What a shocking day that must have been for her faithful protégé. (See this post about my father-in-law Andrew’s funeral for more.)
Movie time
How was life with Delia like a movie? Also from P2—Portrait of a Sociopath, part 2:
If you’ve seen The Hunger Games, she’s The Gamemaker. Beautiful smile, beautiful image, all the while destroying people to entertain herself and her devoted accomplices.
A movie series for each side
Last year I realized some things about movies we used to watch. Harry Potter movies vividly portray the battle between good and evil. The evil isn’t sugar-coated. There are snakes, spiders and rats* involved—with great danger and murders. The Hunger Games movies portray the horrors—physically and emotionally—of being hunted. Harry Potter movies depict my side of the family—the battle between good and evil. The Hunger Games movies depict Brandon’s side—the cruel, never-ending hunt.
In November, I told Brandon that I’m done watching those movies. For years, they helped me reflect on the reality of our lives and all the emotions involved. The Hunger Games and Harry Potter movies helped all of us do that—reflect, acknowledge and feel it all—envisioning the brutality of the warfare (and the relief of the ultimate victory). As we’ve journeyed farther and farther away from The War Zone, I don’t want to watch those movies anymore. I’m done. That’s a good sign.
Peaceful Readers, I totally understand if you never saw or will see these movies. They aren’t for everybody. Interestingly enough, they served a valuable purpose for us.
*To learn about some of our dreams about snakes, spiders and rats, see this section—Dreams That Revealed the Truth and Something That Was Coming—in this post. Also, see Dreams in the index.
The story of victory
For many years, another movie has been my favorite.
Sunday, April 28
Journal entry
This evening, I requested that we watch Master and Commander. It was so good. I realized why it’s my favorite movie. Friendship, strategy, warfare and victory against larger and stronger forces. That’s our story.
All glory to God for every victory.
Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;
and his greatness is unsearchable.
Psalm 145:3, King James Version
(My favorite Bible verse)
Foretelling—the fourth stanza
What did the fourth stanza of Silver foretell about this year? The holiday factor.
The holidays came and the holidays went, filled with fear and strife and pain
Sociopaths live for holidays and special events, and they do not take no for an answer. When Walter’s two threatening phone messages didn’t work, Delia sent him on a sneak attack to snatch us up by our hair and tell us what’s what—I mean to shock us into compliance.
The timing
This stanza foretold the timing of Walter’s springtime, Sunday sneak attack—exactly two weeks before Easter. Remember, they own Easter and Thanksgiving. Easter’s a big deal in Sociopathville. Stanza 4 also foretold the note Walter delivered—Her Majesty’s summons: “Come back. Now.”
The plotting
Think about all the plotting involved.
Step 1: A threat on Thursday night.
Step 2: A threat on Friday night.
Walter’s first threat was addressed angrily to Brandon. His second threat was addressed sweetly to me. Coincidence? I think not. We ignored them both.
Step 3: A surprise sneak attack on Sunday after church—two weeks before Their Big, Fat Sociopath-Styled Soiree.
Walter, The Shyster—I mean Major Wolf—delivered Her Majesty’s note and went home empty-handed, with his tail between his legs. Walter pulled out all his tricks, but Brandon was on fire and spoke the truth boldly. Go, Brandon. See part 7 for details.
Delia and Walter are evil. So much scheming. The scriptures in the addendum at the end of part 7 describe the plotting and lying inherent in evil people’s ways.
The alpha and omega weekends
For 25 years, we’ve kept the feasts—but, oh, how they did change
Some people would say that this March was Attack Month. There was a heavy dose in that department—no doubt. But actually, in the broader sense, it was Blessings Month. Check out the first and last weekends for a small sampling of God’s goodness.
The first weekend
On Friday, March 1, I spent the day with three church friends at Canton, a massive flea market and shopping extravaganza. It was so fun. I brought home some tasty treats and a T-shirt Meagan bought for me. What a sweetie.
Smooth sailing
The next day was filled with blessings too.
Saturday, March 2
Journal entry
I woke Brandon up around 9 and said, “Let’s go out on the boat!” He was so glad. We enjoyed a really nice sail with moderate wind. We watched a boat race as we sailed by it. That was neat. The peaceful sounds of the water and birds refreshed my soul.
Then we enjoyed lunch at Sonic; and later, a musical with Charlene and Winston. What a day! Sunday was very good too, but let’s move on.
A day transformed
Here’s a very interesting Smythe Family Fun Fact. The year we left The War Zone, we bought our boat on Her Majesty’s birthday. A day of pain became a day of peace. The Lord transformed it. Is that tremendous or what?
The last weekend
What about Good Friday through Easter? Blessings galore. Here are some highlights.
Good Friday blessings
I don’t usually use my phone’s camera while I’m driving, but I couldn’t resist. The tire-cover art on the Jeep in front of us looked just like Marvin. Happy, happy Good Friday to us.
Friday, March 29
Journal entry
Work was crazy-busy, with lots of people at St. Matt’s for Good Friday. The couple who signed up to pray from 11 to noon couldn’t come, so I covered that slot. I’d never prayed for a whole hour before. What a wonderful experience. …Marvin handled today really well. What a sweet, attentive companion. I love having him with me at work….
Logan met us at church for the 6:30 Good Friday service. […It] was very good. Afterwards, Logan visited with [various] friends. I visited with Summer. Her daughter-in-law got saved! Hallelujah.
…Brandon, Logan and I ate a late dinner at Cotton Patch—Logan’s pick. I really enjoyed my meatloaf, squash casserole and green beans. Excellent comfort food.
Saturday blessings
Brandon went sailing with his best friend Isaiah. I wrote a lot, while Logan ran some errands and hung out at home.
As Logan was driving home from college yesterday, he received a second internship offer.
Saturday, March 30
Journal entry
…I was so thankful. I had prayed for him to get multiple offers, to build his confidence. He will also get practice handling a decline. Lord, I praise you and thank you for your rich blessings and for your good plan for Logan’s life.
…Brandon, Logan and I ate dinner at Cajun Corner in Pantego. It was wonderful. Logan was so relaxed and happy. What a joy to see the man he is. He’s grown up so much each year at A&M. …What a wonderful celebration dinner for Logan’s internship offer.
Easter Sunday blessings
Sunday, March 31
Journal entry
Brandon cooked bacon and cheese omelets and toast for breakfast. It was so good. We all went to the 11:00 Easter service. There were 5 baptisms! …Logan headed back to A&M [this afternoon]. What a sweet blessing to have him home 4 weekends in a row (2 for spring break, 1 for the CCA musical and then Easter). I’m especially grateful that we got to embrace and celebrate his internship accomplishment with him and see the peace on his face. [Our next-door neighbor/retired CPA] Dave asked Logan to come over and visit yesterday. Dave took a look at Logan’s offer …and confirmed that it’s very good. Lord, thank you for our sweet neighbors and for everything you’ve put in place for our good—for the doors you’ve opened and the doors you’ve closed. You are our God. Ever good. Ever faithful. Ever protective.
Amen and Hallelujah to that.
You are our God. Ever good. Ever faithful. Ever protective.
Easter doesn’t belong to my sociopathic mother-in-law or her husband Walter. It belongs to the Lord. And he is the giver of every good gift.
Chronicling the truth
When was the last time you counted your blessings? How about doing it now.
I’ve found journaling to be the best way to chronicle God’s goodness and be reminded of it. In good times and bad, reading back through journals can be a remarkable source of encouragement. I usually read back by months—not every day, but as the Holy Spirit leads me. In other words, since today is day 7 of May—if the still, small voice nudged me to read back—I’d read what happened on day 7 of April, March, February and January to see how much God has done this year. Try it.
For more about the importance of journaling, read these sections here on Choosing Peace:
♦ Start at Blessings and read through the end of this post
♦ See The Power of Journaling in this post
♦ See Item 2, called Journal in the Grieving To-Do List in this post
♦ See The Value of Journaling at the end of this post
♦ See Maximum Impact in this post
The month of March
I bought this calendar in February when Charlene and I were driving back from our weekend in Wichita Falls—when we saw Leanne Morgan in concert. (Laughter is good medicine.)
The truth in this photo spoke into the month of March every day I went to work.
Peaceful Readers, remember this. Evil forces will do their thing, but Jesus gets the final word. Always and forever.
Coming next: We’ll move on to stanzas 5 and 6 of the poem Silver. What will they foretell? Come back next time to read about a guy named Jeff, letters and a spotlight.
Thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: Psalm 86:5
Song: “Good Lord” by David Leonard
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