Joseph—true nature
Last time on Choosing Peace, we explored some of the deep and prophetic blessings Jacob spoke over his sons. Today we’ll begin our focus on the key verse from Joseph’s life. I consider it to be one of most important verses in the entire Old Testament of the Bible.
Two out of three snapshots
The last chapter of Genesis gives us three vital snapshots of the second half of Joseph’s life. Chapter 50 begins right after Jacob’s death:
Then Joseph hugged his father’s face, and wept over him, and kissed him.
Genesis 50:1, New Heart English Bible
The first section of chapter 50—Snapshot 1—includes the embalming of Jacob’s body, the mourning period, and his burial in Canaan. The second section—Snapshot 2—includes the vital verse of Joseph’s remarkable story.
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “It may be that Joseph will hate us, and will pay us back in full for all of the evil that we did to him.” So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, “Your father gave this command before he died, saying, ‘Thus you are to tell Joseph, “Now please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.”’ And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him. Then his brothers also went and fell down in front of him, and they said, “Look, we are your slaves.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God turned it into good in order to bring about this present result, to save the lives of many people. So therefore, do not be afraid. I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he consoled them and spoke kindly to them.
Genesis 50:15-21, New Heart English Bible
True nature
Similarly, when Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers in chapter 45, “they were terrified at his presence” (v. 45:3d, NHEB). During that conversation 17 years earlier, Joseph said: “Now do not be upset or angry with yourselves that you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life” (v. 5, NHEB). Joseph also said: “You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you will be near to me, you, your children, and your children’s children…, and everything that you have. There I will provide for you…” (v. 10-11a, NHEB).
Fast forward to the current scene, right after Jacob’s death. Maybe at least some of Joseph’s brothers finally learned the truth. When Joseph did this identical thing back in chapter 45 (see part 12), he wasn’t putting on some show because their father hadn’t arrived in Egypt yet. Joseph was showing his brothers his true nature. Sadly, they let their fear of retribution or their own blindness to the truth cloud everything they should’ve known about Joseph’s character.
Do you have relatives who’ve seen and heard you and yet don’t remotely understand who you are? We can certainly relate to that. Do they ignore what you say or not understand where you’re coming from? What is their agenda? Why do they not see you for who you are? Has it been unsafe or pointless for you to reveal your true self to them? I understand that. Peaceful Readers, the darkness hates the light.
Key verse
Without further ado.
“As for you, you meant evil against me,
but God turned it into good
in order to bring about this present result….”
Genesis 50:20a-c, New Heart English Bible
This verse is the Old Testament’s mirror verse of Romans 8:28, one of the most frequently-quoted verses in the Bible.
Targeted evil
In the key verse above, Joseph spoke the truth to his brothers. When Joseph was 17 years old and some of them were talking about killing him, and then they sold him into slavery, they meant evil against him. He wasn’t collateral damage in some scattergun barrage. Joseph was the intentional target of evil minds.
We, too, have been the intentional targets of evil minds. Maybe you or someone you know has been too.
The key verse in Joseph’s story (shown above) begins with this all-important truth: “As for you, you meant evil against me.” Let’s dig into a recent example from our lives.
Mob bosses and accomplices
Certain sociopaths, narcissists and people with other similar personality disorders will select and train enough accomplices to handle some, if not the vast majority, of their dirty work. Even so, since smacking down the targets gives them the ultimate sadistic thrill, these psychological mob bosses will do at least some of their own dirty work. They can’t help it.
The manifesto
After the abject failure of my sociopathic mother-in-law’s many accomplices through the years, she finally pulled out her very own rocket launcher in her attempt to shock and yank us back into The Game, also known as The War Zone.
From part 12, written in March:
Brandon’s dad died five years ago, and his mother, called Her Majesty, married another highly-disturbing individual. We’re reminded periodically of why God called us to leave. This month we received a two-page, typed manifesto from Her Majesty. Charming. It was so ridiculous that I laughed after reading it. That was a first—the laughing part. I give the Holy Spirit all the glory for that.
Storms
Some storms brew for a long time. Others come on suddenly. My mother-in-law’s letter definitely falls into The Long Brew category. Actually, it’s been a 9-year-long brew. Mercy.
High points
I was surprised to realize that Her Majesty’s manifesto—at 658 words—was even longer than her brother Henry’s 559-word masterpiece. In the Sociopaths series, I spent five posts digging into Henry’s magnificent, revealing manifesto. In rare, abbreviated form, I’m taking a shorter stroll through Her Majesty’s Manifesto in today’s post.
What was the basic order?
♦ Ownership: “You belong to me.”
♦ Justifications: “I have ample reasons for writing.”
♦ Attack (i.e., typecasting or insulting): “You are a dangerous man.”
♦ Loan sharking: “I rewrote the will and you won’t like it.”
♦ Drama and more typecasting: “Your dad was Father of the Year and you were cruel.”
♦ Lies, lies and more lies: “My life is great, but you should be here.”
The intro
Ownership
My mother-in-law Delia, also known as Her Majesty, the Sadistic Control Freak, wrote her manifesto to Brandon, Frankie Ann, and Logan—the only “Smythes.” Translation: You belong to me because of your last name, and I’m not kidding. (To drive the point home, she used a return address label on the envelope with her former married name on it.) For an understanding of this bizarre line of thought, explore control freaks and ownership in this post.
Paragraph 1: The justifications
Delia’s introduction (marked as paragraph #1 in the letter) lists her reasons for writing. She was mistaken on 5 out of her 7 reasons—I mean justifications. Surprise, surprise, surprise! I’ll address the 5 messed-up justifications. The entire letter is available here.
(1) “Logan’s 21st birthday.”
Nope. He’s 22.
(2) “Andrew’s death leaving me in charge of the estate.”
Nice try. Andrew died 5 years ago. Her letter isn’t about “the estate.”
(3) “Your refusal to forgive me and the entire family despite my repeated requests.”
Au contraire, Sociopath Extraordinaire. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not synonyms. (Read part 3 of What Forgiving Is and Isn’t.) “Repeated requests” smacks of drama and extreme exaggeration. I recall only one such request—delivered by Walter during his sneak attack. Besides, how would Her Majesty have any idea whether Brandon, Logan and/or I forgave someone or not? Oops; I forgot. Delia is an all-knowing and all-powerful sociopath. How could I have forgotten?
(4) “The need for changes in the wills made by Andrew and me.”
Her Majesty totally digs loan sharking—one of the 8 warning signs for violence. Hence, her decision to spend 120 words going on and on about it in paragraph #3. Sadly, when Delia testified that she already rewrote the wills, she trashed one of her many alleged reasons for writing. There is no “need for changes.” The changes were already made. What we have here, Peaceful Readers, is the essential notification*—the attempted gut punch—not that it’s anything new.
The tactic becomes loan sharking when the control freak notifies or reminds the target, “You owe me.” Loan sharking usually involves gifts, favors, money, help or “good deeds.” In this case, threatened withholding of money—or trying to leverage money—constitutes loan sharking because the motivation behind it is: “You owe me… (your adoration, presence, servitude, compliance, etc.).”
*Control freaks do the same thing with gossip. While the gossip is super-duper fun, it doesn’t become a bona fide attack until the target is notified, a la “So-and-so said thus-and-so about you.”
(5) “The need to protect Hazel as our executrix.”
What a big word. I’m so impressed. Where was I? Oh, yes. Brandon hasn’t contacted his sister Hazel in 9 years, and there are reasons for that. Why would he “target” her after Her Majesty dies? That’s beyond ridiculous. Can you say projection? Her Majesty launched an attack at her #1 target and calls him the attacker. Textbook case.
The attack
The word “executrix” in #5 above reminded me of Bellatrix.
Thursday, October 22, 2020 (the day of Andrew’s funeral)
Journal entry
Logan made the funniest comment at dinner. “When Granny was young, she looked like Bellatrix Lestrange.” Bellatrix is the most evil, hated female character in the Harry Potter series. She’s creepy, violent and extremely sadistic. ‘Nuff said.
Paragraph 2
Typecasting
After the sociopath listed her alleged justifications for writing, she went on a typecasting tirade against Brandon in paragraph #2. We’ve found typecasting (AKA insulting or name-calling) to be one of the most popular and frequently used of the 8 warning signs for violence. What angle did Her Majesty choose for her manifesto? “You always seem to have a female “target”.” She listed the alleged targets: my sisters (the narcissists), Brandon’s sister Shelly (a violent histrionic) and herself—the narcissist/sociopath combo. What a colorful list. Again, a classic case of Projection 101: I’m accusing you of what I’m doing. “I fear that Hazel will be next after my death.” Drama, drama, drama. “I would like to protect Hazel, if possible.” Give the sociopath an Academy Award.
Forced teaming
Paragraph #2 and many other aspects of the manifesto demonstrate another of the 8 warning signs for violence: Forced teaming. In other words, “We have a problem and you’re going to fix it.” Thus saith the Class-A Control Freak. Of course, the whole thing is a smoke screen. We don’t have a problem. Her Majesty has the problem.
From part 11 of A Year in the Life, filled with Her Majesty’s ways:
Forced teaming is a snare. A trap. A lie. Forced teaming is #1 on the list of warning signs for good reasons. Alleging that “we” have a predicament often gets a dangerous attacker’s foot in the door. It’s a very effective and frequently-employed tactic.
Problem?
I should clarify something important. Technically-speaking, we don’t have a problem. We have wisdom. Delia, on the other hand, has a catastrophic, hell-bound, lifelong problem that she would be wise to address.
Learn more here.
The bait
Paragraph 3: Loan sharking
Next came the 120-word loan sharking paragraph described above. Why so many theatrics about that, while omitting the actual details? The loan sharking is the bait. Think of it like this: “Call me for the details about my will and beg me to change my mind.” No can do, wack-a-doo. We’re not for sale.
Brandon spoke that important truth—“We’re not for sale”—to Her Majesty’s new husband Walter, better known as Herr Wolf, during his sneak attack last spring. Speaking of Walter, check out his loan sharking Facebook threat to Logan—also from last spring.
What can I say…: “Birds of a feather flock together.” For the details of some of Her Majesty’s many accomplices, including Walter, read this post about Joy in Affliction.
The drama
Paragraphs 4, 5 and 6 demonstrate Her Majesty’s Diligently-Practiced and Perfected Drama-fest.
Paragraph 4: Father of the year
According to Delia, Brandon’s dad “prayed and cried” about seeing his son before he died. Here’s the problem with that allegation. Since Andrew was also a sociopath who had no feelings (other than sadism), any tears were produced solely for dramatic effect. (See this article about sociopaths.) And let’s not forget that Andrew refused to do the one thing Brandon asked him to do—see a counselor (other than their crazy preacher)—and find out why he never protected Brandon. I guess Andrew was too busy for that nonsense. Sociopaths and narcissists rarely go to counseling. Why would The All-Powerful Ones waste time letting someone else tell them what to do, unless there’s some ulterior motive—such as, controlling either the counselor or someone else? It’s all about control. (See Control in the index.)
The typecasting continued, as usual. Brandon was supposedly “cruel” for not seeing Andrew before he died. Since 2016, Her Majesty erased or dramatically re-wrote the many reasons for the estrangement. Brandon warned his parents for years that he’d leave one day if they didn’t stop attacking him. Being the typical all-powerful sociopaths, they ignored him and lied about it—acting like he was the problem and they were walking perfection.
Delia declared in one of her more disturbing Manifesto Moments that Andrew “never did anything but good for you.” Really? (No parent can truthfully say that—being that none of us exhibit perfection in our parenting.) In fact, Andrew was a violent sociopath. See part 1 of The Trauma of Child Abuse for more, including the Top 20 Stories. What were the consequences for that painful, sick reality? Andrew—a violent man incapable of feelings or remorse—lost his son and refused to do the one thing that might have helped the situation.
Paragraph 5: Feel sorry for the sociopath
Delia and Andrew were both hospitalized with COVID-19 on October 3, 2020. She was released after several days. Andrew was moved to ICU on October 11 and died on the 16th.
Fri., October 16, 2020
Journal entry
Brandon learned many things from [his old friend] George today. His mom ignored COVID restrictions, went shopping a lot, went out to eat and didn’t wear a mask. She dramatically required everyone else in church to wear one, but she didn’t. She got COVID first and gave it to Andrew. Brandon talked about how she kills everyone around her. So true.
Flitting at the funeral
Delia rewrote the facts in her manifesto—I mean attack letter. Fancy that. “Andrew and I both had Covid, and I had been out of the hospital only a few days when we had his funeral. I still was not well….” That reminds me of one of the control freak tactics mentioned in the last post: “The prolific lying—including generous re-writes of history.” In reality, Her Majesty was released from the hospital at least a week before Andrew died, and the funeral was 6 days after that. Who needs the facts when pity and control are on the line?
Was Delia sick at the funeral? Her Majesty flitted around the church like it was Christmas morning or some other big party. She had people to chat with, don’t you know. After she greeted us when we arrived, I made it my mission to note where she was at all times and to avoid her like the plague. She was a busy little spider, as always. Spinning, spinning and ever spinning her web—and schmoozing with her adoring fans.
Suffering—or not
“I had suffered the loss of my husband of 63 years.” Sociopaths don’t suffer because they have no feelings, other than the sadistic thrill of crushing their targets. That was simply the “You must feel sorry for me” drama and pity-siphoning. Oh-so-typical.
Not enough servants
“I needed your help, but not once did you show any concern for me….” Strangely enough, she wrote in the next paragraph: “[My sister] Marilyn and [her husband] Wendell live next door and are a big help to me. Both [your niece] Jessica and Marilyn have taken care of me during Covid and other illnesses.” Ummm, what are those obvious contradictions about? What’s the deal with the statement that she needed Brandon, but had all kinds of help? Control. Her Majesty didn’t have her favorite target fawning over her. She didn’t have her former slave handy to run ragged. She didn’t have enough people to feel sorry for her. Etcetera.
Delia wanted what she’s always wanted—
to have her poisonous fangs in Brandon
and to actively control and ruin his life.
He said no.
And the manifesto was her long-awaited attack.
Paragraph 6: The L-word
Yes, Her Majesty said The L-word. Of course she said it. Charming. For more about her disturbing use of The L-word, read the Drama and Power and The Disturbing Memory sections in this post. What did the sociopath pair with The L-word for maximum impact? An additional attempt at “charm and niceness”—one of the 8 warning signs for violence. “You would not have been happy here, and you certainly have done well where you are.” Remember from The Sneak Attack posts: Sociopaths use charm/niceness to manipulate their victims and “to disarm their mistrust.” Indeed, they do.
How did she follow up the charm and niceness? With the usual “feel sorry for the sociopath” ploy. “I just wanted to see you. I lived alone for over three years.” Truth? “I just wanted to toy with you, attack you and make you miserable.” It’s no fun for Her Majesty when her favorite toy is no longer available. No fun at all.
The yammering
Sociopaths and people with other personality disorders control and/or wear down their targets with their excessive yammering, complaining, bragging, badgering and/or nagging. Her Majesty opted for yammering.
Paragraph 7: Her Majesty’s great life
Next, it was time for Her Majesty to brag about her husband Walter, the former used car salesman. According to Delia, he’s a wonderful, stand-up kind of guy. But we know better, don’t we? To learn all about Her Majesty’s partner in crime, read about Herr Wolf’s disturbing sneak attack—when he unexpectedly showed up at our house. Delia and Walter deserve each other.
After that came comments about her finances, followed by her supposedly-positive relationships with her 2 siblings, plus the frequency of their phone contact. I’m not buying it. When you’re observing 3 hard-core control freaks—Delia and her siblings—there will be conflict. Lots of conflict. Who, pray tell, gets to be the boss? Good riddance. Paragraph 7 demonstrates yet another of the 8 warning signs for violence—too many details—described thusly in my go-to article about sociopaths: “If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make themselves sound more credible to their chosen victim.”
My assertion about paragraph 7? More lies. Is Delia living in perfect harmony with her siblings? No way. Here’s another assertion: “I manage [my finances] well.” Not according to George. He told Brandon in 2020 that Delia was showing signs of dementia and was not managing her finances well. Oh, well. According to The Liar Extraordinaire, “Hazel helps with my finances.” Let’s hope Her Majesty was actually telling the truth about that part—as out of character as that would be.
The manipulation
Paragraph 8: Come back
Her Majesty’s final paragraph ties up her powder-keg package with a bow, filled with speaking in “we” terms—another one of the 8 warning signs for violence. She started off with me, me, me: “I miss you,” “you were a special part of my life,” and then shifted to “us” and “we.”
The masquerade
In this post, I described how Delia masquerades as a Christian. It is very disturbing. Notice the current performance: “Walter and I pray daily that we might find the wisdom to solve the problems that keep us apart. No families are perfect. We all have made mistakes, but we wish that you could still be a part of us.” Interestingly enough, that reminds me of this part of her brother Henry’s manifesto: “With all the complexities associated, you are forever a part of a community of the Douglas clan. In every family, there are blessings and things that are not so blessed. We are no different.” She said pray; he used blessings.
Sister and brother
I wonder if Delia studied Henry’s bazooka-blasting assault as she prepared her version. The most disturbing similarity is this.
Both Delia and Uncle Henry used 7 out of the 8 warning signs
for violence, and they used the same ones. The exact same ones.
What do you make of that, Peaceful Reader? Yes, they were raised in the same violent place. They both have one or more personality disorders. Hmmm. Most interesting.
The warning signs for violence
Here’s a quick evaluation of Delia’s epic attack—I mean manifesto—using the 8 warning signs for violence.
Warning signs used
1. Typecasting—declaring her son to be dangerous and cruel
2. Forced teaming—fabricating a problem (Hazel’s danger)
3. Loan sharking—tossing out the “I changed my will” bait
4. Charm and niceness—using The L-word and a compliment
5. Too many details—sharing her stellar assessment of her life
6. Speaking in “we” terms—saying “we” and “us,” hoping to lure us back
7. Discounting the word “no”—the whole ridiculous, disturbing thing (as I wrote here)
Warning sign not used
The unsolicited promise
I’m impressed. Her Majesty used 7 out of the 8 warning signs for violence. Give the sociopath a medal.
Closing with heightened manipulation
In a dramatic attempt to entice us to return to The War Zone, Her Majesty, the Sadistic Control Freak—my mother-in-law—ended her masterful attack using children. Yes, no one is off limits in her evil hands. Of course, she was lying, as usual. Supposedly, Jessica’s oldest son “misses Logan,” and Logan’s cousin Chloe wants us to meet “her little girl.” Sadly, for Her Majesty, we encountered Jessica, her son and Chloe at Andrew’s funeral 5 years ago, and the hostility was epic. I equate it with them basically spitting in our faces.
From this post about Andrew’s funeral:
Logan’s cousins and other relatives were hostile to him. Utterly disinterested. Hateful. Logan asked us in the car if that’s how they used to treat us at Christmas. We said, “Yes. It was worse than usual. But yes.”
What an eye-opening encounter. Logan realized that we walked away to protect him. He understood that we did the right thing for him—and for all of us.
Delia couldn’t have ended her manifesto with a more obvious falsehood—and, frankly—one that was any more sabotaging to her goal. One year, Chloe yelled at Brandon during Christmas, in front of God and everybody. Ending with the name Chloe—a replica of her hateful mother Hazel—was one of the few aspects of Her Majesty’s Manifesto that ruffled my feathers. Not a wise choice for the sociopath’s final selling point.
Seeing the true nature
Let’s return to Joseph’s life and times.
Unable to see
Joseph showed his brothers his true nature in two virtually-identical conversations when they were terrified and he was kind. Surely they saw ample evidence of his character during the 17 years that they all lived in Egypt together so far. Surely their father’s blessing spoken to Joseph in their presence didn’t surprise them. (I’m being facetious when I use the word “surely.”)
The reality remains that some, if not most, of his brothers didn’t see the true Joseph—despite their time together, Joseph’s obvious devotion to God, and all the good things he did for them. Seventeen years earlier, Joseph saved their lives and the lives of their wives and descendants. And he provided for them all for these many years. But after their father Jacob died, Joseph’s brothers expected retribution via slavery—or worse. They thought ill of him still. Even so, Joseph continued to bless them with kindness and provision.
Why didn’t Joseph’s brothers see him rightly? Why?
Remember—the darkness hates the light.
Eyes closed—eyes opened
Joseph’s brothers expected him to do what they would’ve done. Three of them received prophetic blessings from their father Jacob that were not good because extreme violence as young men became their life-defining moments. Joseph’s brothers knew their own feelings or lack thereof, and they bought the long-term Us vs. Them propaganda against Joseph—hook, line and sinker.
I understand. I didn’t see the truth about my family of origin for many, many years. I, too, believed the family propaganda. And then my eyes were opened. Read my story in this post and this post.
As a result of his heart change, Judah’s eyes were opened to God. Were they eventually opened to his brother Joseph too? Was Judah able to overcome the persistent Us vs. Them family propaganda? Was he able to replace the lies about Joseph with the truth? I certainly hope so. Perhaps Judah was able to see Joseph rightly.
Present day
Are we seeing my mother-in-law rightly? Delia showed us her true nature time and time again in her letter—The Manifesto. What did you see? Who is she? What is her true nature?
When Logan was 9 years old, we visited Alcatraz. For some reason, something about the scene above reminds me of Her Majesty. What do you see in the rock, the warden’s house and the tower?
Coming next: How did God use Her Majesty’s attack letter for our good? Now that’s a great question. Until next time, thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: 1 Peter 2:9
Song: “Christ Our Wisdom” by Sovereign Grace Music
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