Changes, rescues and the gift
In part 1 of A Year in the Life, I told the story of my dog Marvin. Here’s an excerpt:
I dedicated this post to Logan’s dog Pierre, our beautiful, sweet golden retriever. Pierre was 12 years old and was having trouble getting around. …Since our ideal pack size is two dogs, when one of them seems fairly close to the end of his life, we go ahead and add a third dog so everyone can become brothers before one of them goes to heaven. Also, the weakest one gets to chill while the other two play and get comfortable with each other.
Brandon knew in his heart that it was time, so he started looking for a third dog. Somewhat reluctantly, I started looking too.
Well, Peaceful Readers, that scenario recently repeated itself. Our dear Floyd is now 13-and-a-half years old—a long life for a big dog. You may remember him from my post about being still. A couple years ago, Floyd hung out with me on the couch during my surprise fall vacation when I couldn’t use my right arm. He is smart, devoted and attentive. And grumpy, now that he doesn’t feel good.
Drawn to the one
Brandon wanted our third dog to be a brawny, intimidating watch dog. When Logan and I looked online at our local rescue group’s dogs, we were drawn to a happy one-year-old. I’ll call him Fletcher. We didn’t like his name, but he was a darling mutt. Not brawny. Not intimidating. Not our favorite breed. Translation: Fletcher wasn’t at all what Brandon wanted.
A couple weeks ago, toward the end of a pet adoption event, Fletcher came home with us. So happy. So soft. So easy-going. Adorable!
Day 1
Did everything go smoothly that Saturday after we got home? Not really. We decided to call him Arnold. There were great things—his sweetness and joy. And there were not great things—growling and attacking Floyd. The spunky 50-pounder against the old 90-pounder. Not pretty. After Arnold leaped over Brandon’s legs to bite Floyd, Brandon said Arnold had to go. Golly. That was not what I expected. Our son Logan was very disappointed too.
Day 2
The next day was a bit of a roller-coaster. It started with me texting Arnold’s foster mother that he needed to return to her. Then I described everything on the phone to the rescue coordinator. She understood. But another dog had already been placed in Arnold’s foster home, so the coordinator asked if we could hang on to Arnold for a couple days while she worked something else out. I said, “Sure.”
So many changes
What did we know about Arnold? He just turned one. The woman he belonged to was arrested. We could tell that he was used to sleeping in the bed with his owner and receiving table food from her hand. He was happy and healthy. One month ago, this 12-month-old lost his mom. Then he went to the shelter—I mean Doggie Jail—for three days. After that, he went to a foster home with two old chihuahuas for three weeks. Then he came to our house. Four different places in four weeks. That’s a shocking amount of change for a little guy. He lost his mom. Went to jail. Went to a foster home that he didn’t know was a foster home. Then he came to our house, with one really big, grumpy old dog and Marvin, who’s almost three and loves to play, but has fear issues.
Arnold went from being an only, beloved dog to a foster home with small, not-too-interested-in-playing dogs to our house with one much bigger, overwhelming, intimidating alpha dog. He was overwhelmed physically, but most of all—I believe—emotionally. He didn’t bark. He didn’t get off the couch when the other dogs went to the front window to bark at a delivery person. He ate and slept well and played. He followed us around, with his tail wagging, but his only sounds were snarling and growling. Hmmm.
Down time
Arnold turned a corner on Sunday afternoon—Day 2—after snuggling with Brandon on the couch for hours. We corrected him when he snarled and growled: “Not okay, buddy.” He started doing better. He was drawn to Brandon. I understood why.
In marriage, family and dog packs, the alpha male provides and protects. This is God’s design. Arnold needed to be near Brandon, our family’s alpha male, to feel protected from really big, really grumpy Floyd. Arnold needed down time where he felt strongly protected after yet another shocking move. New place. New people. New smells. New sounds. New food. New pets. New everything.
Big changes mean big-time stress—even when those changes are good.
Taking stock—changes
Have you experienced any big changes in the last year or two? Marriage, divorce or separation? A new relationship? New baby or grandbaby? A child leaving home or getting married? New family member? A move? A loss? Job change? New boss? New church? Health change? Financial change? Friend change? A change in your roles or responsibilities? A traumatic event? Unusual stress or changes at home or work? New habits? New ways of thinking and living? A dangerous, chaotic and/or unstable person interjecting trouble into your life? Something else?
If so, have you given yourself permission for some restful down time? Protected rest time? You may be thinking, What’s that or You have no idea what I’m dealing with. If your answer was yes to any of the questions or examples above, take some time to journal and reflect on the changes in your life, their impact, your adjustment and your needs. God may have some important things to show you. Ask him what you need to see and what he has for you.
I have a surprising example from this spring.
Stepping out—for rest
After volunteering on the Someone Cares leadership team for five years, I rather suddenly felt a strong need to leave that ministry. And the word from the Lord was rest.
The Holy Spirit knew what I needed and how I needed to get it.
Thursday, March 21
Journal entry
I prayed this morning before I got up. I asked the Lord if I’m done with Someone Cares or if I’m taking a year off. The clear answer was that I’m done. A season of family and the word rest kept hovering in my mind. I feel at peace. I wrote my reply to Lulie’s kind email. The Lord helped me. …This sentence summarizes my email: “For others to step up and into what the Lord has for them, I must step out.”
I really did not see this change coming, but I’m overwhelmingly relieved. After honoring my commitment to serve and speak at the April retreat, I said a few private farewells. Interestingly enough, it was a remarkable weekend and most of the participants would make strong volunteers in the ministry—more so than I’ve ever seen before. That reality reinforced the core message of my departure: For others to step up and into what the Lord has for them, I must step out.
I didn’t realize how much time and energy I was investing in Someone Cares until I wasn’t involved anymore. I grew. I loved it. I made a difference. Then it was over. I’m resting and enjoying my family more now. Thanks be to God.
The rescues
There are times when we need rescuing and we don’t realize it. Arnold needed a new home and he didn’t know it. He thought he already had one (his foster home). He was being managed by a dog rescue organization and he had no idea.
The mud
On Wednesday, I did something to my dog Marvin for the first time and he was not diggin‘ it. Marvin found a mud hole in our backyard and went to town, as they say. He literally dove in head-first. Splash-o-rama. Then he distributed his muddy goodness in various parts of our house. It was funny, actually. In the fullness of time, I put a leash on him and took him out back to hose him off. He was shocked and mortified. “Mama, how could you do this to me?” After I dried him off, he looked downright spiffy. Marvin got A Mud Rescue.
The photo below shows Arnold chilling on his bed, thinking to himself, Mama, I promise I did not make that mess. Truly.
The dove
The next day, Brandon was walking to his car in the parking garage at American Airlines and he saw a young dove sitting on a ledge. There was a glass wall. The dove fluttered and tried to get out of the area, but kept hitting the glass. Brandon realized the dove was in trouble, got its attention with one hand and gently grabbed it with the other hand. He walked the dove out of that area, tossed it up and watched it fly away. Brandon had pet birds when he was young, so he knew how to safely handle a bird. Isn’t that amazing? God cares about the dove. And he cares so much more about you and me.
The perfection
Do you need a rescue from something or someone? From a way of thinking? From the chains of the past? Do you need to lay down a trauma—big or small? Read part 2 through part 6 of The Trauma of Perfection. If you’ve experienced nightmares, flashbacks or being startled by certain reminders, you experienced something traumatic. (See this post for more.)
When I was a child, my dad would tell me how he had to make his bed in the Navy. He pulled and tucked the linens tightly and perfectly enough to pass The Quarter Test. If someone flipped a quarter on the center of his perfectly-made bed, the quarter would bounce. He gave me bed-making lessons. I knew I wasn’t very good at it. My bed-making was definitely not quarter-popping perfection. I used to have nightmares about making my bed and never being good enough. How did I respond to that for the rest of my life? By not making my bed at all.
Maybe it’s time to start making it—without undue pressure. Instead of aiming for an A+, quarter-popping, Navy-tested, narcissistic dad-approved bed-making performance, I’ll just do the basics—something in the C+ or B- range. Ultimately, with no grade associated at all. That would be really good. It sure would. We’ll see….
Your turn
Do you need a rescue? Is there something good that you’ve avoided altogether because of something or someone in your past? Get out your journal and do some reflecting. Is it time to lay something down and pick up something good? Is it time to give that something or someone a try? Pray and ask God to guide you, help you and give you courage.
Arnold’s joy
Speaking of rescues, we’re so thankful for our local dog rescue group. They’re wonderful. After Arnold turned a corner that first Sunday—on Day 2, I texted the coordinator and asked her if we could have a two-week trial period to make sure he was a good fit. She said, “Of course!” She had already given me an effective training tip and then she shared a good article with me.
If I had to pick one word to describe Arnold, it would be joy. He exudes joy. He looks up at us with love, he wags his tail, he loves his toys and his new brothers, he thanks us for his food, he licks our faces, hands, arms, ears. He is a total honey. No more snarling, growling or biting. And guess what? On his third day with us, I texted Logan, “Arnold can bark!” He just needed to recover from the shock of yet another move. He’s a good little watch dog.
How about a few Arnold Stories to wrap things up today.
The dog who ate my ring
Arnold is so fun.
Wednesday, July 3
Journal entry
Charlene asked me for a photo of Arnold and I texted her my favorite. Arnold is a precious, happy snuggler. One day he was playing with my hand and got my rubber ring in his mouth. I peeked in there and didn’t see it, so I figured he ate it. A little while later, while I was scooping their [dog] food out of the container, he dropped my ring on the floor. That was hilarious: The dog who ate my ring. Ha!
Brandon texted me a photo of Arnold asleep in the chocolate chair in the office this afternoon, and wrote “might be gaining an office buddy.” Adorable. I love our dear Arnold. He is JOY. So happy and sweet.
The toys
The next day, I wrote a prayer of gratitude.
Thursday, July 4
Journal entry
Arnold has some remarkable house manners. He sniffed dog toys in the two baskets in the great room, but didn’t pick them up. He would only play with a toy after Logan gave it to him. Then he went to town—especially with the duck and the snake. He loved them. What a remarkable dog. When I put my hand out, he sits. He was well loved and trained in his first home. Lord, we thank you for Arnold. He is precious and a very joyful addition to our family.
Impact
We could tell early on that Arnold was having a great impact on Marvin.
The door
Arnold figured out our dog door on Day 2. On Day 3, Marvin hopped out the dog door when I held the flap up. That was the first time Marvin hopped out the dog door without one of us calling him from outside. The same day, Marvin walked farther into the kitchen. “Arnold is a very good influence—helping Marvin face his fears. …Lord, help us to work well with Arnold. He is so sweet.”
The couch
Marvin has also learned the truth of this saying: “You snooze, you lose.” In other words, If you want that spot on the couch, buddy, you better grab it because The Snuggle Zone is limited. Pacing around, gathering courage, worrying about what could go wrong…. That recent reality is dead and gone, where the couch is concerned. Marvin is learning to choose love over fear.
A gift from God
Having a smaller, younger, happy, fearless dog in the house has taught Marvin what we couldn’t teach him. He’s watching and learning. And here’s the thing. Brandon wanted a big, intimidating dog. Marvin needed to learn from an innocent, smaller dog—with no intimidation or fear involved. Brandon didn’t understand why Logan and I were drawn to Arnold. Frankly, we didn’t either; but now we understand.
The Holy Spirit chose Arnold for our family, and he is perfect for us all.
Arnold isn’t only a great brother and playmate for Marvin. He’s joy and love and freedom. He’s a picture, in the flesh, of what Marvin could be. And Arnold’s joy brings us joy.
What about Floyd? How’s he doing? Since Marvin goes to work with me at St. Matt’s, Floyd and Arnold have spent days at home together, bonding and being good to each other. They’re happy and at peace.
While I was writing this post, Arnold was doing his deep snuggle with his head on my lap, buried under my big, red, fuzzy blanket. What a precious sweetie.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of lights….
James 1:17a, World English Bible
The adoption
One week after Arnold’s arrival, we adopted him. “…We are so blessed. Last night, Brandon mentioned Arnold being his sailing buddy. I told Brandon today that I think that’s a great idea.”
Coming next: Peaceful Readers, I have no clue what I’ll be writing about next. We’ll be surprised together. Will it be part 3 of The Joy of the Lord or a new post? The Holy Spirit will let me know. I’m looking forward to it.
Until next time, thanks for reading and for Choosing Peace.
Truth from The Word: Psalm 144:12-15
Song: “Count That High” by Jordan Feliz
More: To stay current on recent posts, sign up for my monthly newsletter.